Fat Bottomed Girl: When Will I Be Famous?

I know today is a time warp but I cannot shake the need to plug my new favorite rapper. Yeah, you know I talkin' 'bout my baby boy Bangs.

If you don't remember, he was the title inspiration for my Take U To Da Movies post. Why this Sudanese-Australian rapper is not a huge star in the hip-hop world is beyond me. His lyrics are relevant and really paint a picture of what it would be like if one would go to "da movies" with him.

"Let me pay the money so we can get in. Now hold my hand and take a step to the door. Don't fall. Lets sit on those two chairs alone, watching a movie so we can see whats going on."

And the beat? I mean, I thought I was listening to something Dr. Dre created in the lab. Fantastic. Hubby's favorite part would be the green-screened images that flash in the background. The sports car, stacks of cash, the map of Africa with the Sudan highlighted.

But lo and behold, Bangs doesn't just want to "Take U To Da Movies," he wants to Take U 4 A Dinner."

"I hope you liked dinner cause I did too. Anytime you want to go again, Bangs will take you."

I especially love how his female lead is careful not to get too close to him. You wouldn't want his millions of adoring female fans to get jealous. He must have taken that lesson from Justin Timberlake, who Bangs has said is his "Number one rap influence." I personally have never considered Justin Timberlake a rapper, but I also am nowhere near as musically awesome as Bangs. What do I know?

But, just when you thought your dream date with Bangs was over, I discovered that Bangs is a very generous man. He wants to "Take U Shopping" after the movies and dinner.

"Hey girl what's poppin'? Dressed up, let me take u shopping? Take your bag and leave it empty and anything u need just throw it in."

According to Bangs, he only learned to speak English in 2003 and this has me slightly worried. Bringing an empty bag to a store to fill with things sounds like shoplifting to me. But really, the more I think about it, he's probably just really green. I think we can all respect a man who wants his woman to bring a reusable shopping bag with her.

Sadly, the dream date has to come to an end, because I discovered "Ur Boi Bangs" has been hitting up other ladies on Facebook.

"U can show me what u gat and I can give u what I have. We can make love through the Facebook and that's hot."

All these hoes have to do is give him their email address so he can add them on The Facebook. And to think, we went to the movies, dinner, and shopping and he just throws that all away for more bitches. I feel like he's used us.

Don't let that bright smile and bling fool you, Bangs is a total playa. And the game is hard. He explains it here:

"I'm tryin to open da door for the next generation ... for the ones tryina be like Bangs."

I guess we can forgive him for pickin' up on new girls. After all, he has to "keep dem beats comin" and the game is hard, man. You "gotta have people that love you" and if that means that he has multiple ladies, who are we to judge? He is a world traveler and how disrespectful would it be to Ludacris if he didn't have hoes in different area codes?

Also, I really respect that he doesn't need to carry knives and guns like everyone in America does. People show him too much love for him to hold all that craziness. I also appreciate that he does all this on his own because "da big studios want to own you to much." I am sure that with all the major labels pursuing him, it's probably best that he remains true to himself.

Ladies and gentleman, if Kony could go viral as quickly as it did (and accomplish nothing except that guy whackin' it) we can make Ur Boi Bangs a huge star. I think everyone should hear his music and truly respect his desire to stimulate the economy, one movie/dinner/shopping trip at a time.

You can follow him on twitter @yourboibangs. @fatbgirl is following him. I will update later if I get a retweet or a shout out from him. I'll be linking this blog for him as well. Fingers crossed.

UPDATE:
Your Boi Bangs didn't just give me a retweet on Twitter, he shared it on his FB page. I choose to believe he understand the ironic tone in which I wrote this. If not, you have to love a guy with that much confidence.