You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

Another Thursday brings the beginning of another new class. Juvenile something or other. According to the syllabus, the problems facing juveniles today will be addressed, along with a comparison of the adult system versus the juvenile one. What it should really say is that we will be spending five weeks discussing shit the instructor has seen as a cop, what Fat Alberto has seen as a doctor/hospital security guard, and what everyone did each weekend. High education, folks. Worth every penny. It does not help one bit that I've been watching Community of Hulu and those idiots make my idiots look brain dead.

We are back in our old class room but we've joined with some new people. And some old ones. The Deputy is in this class. I had him in one of my math classes, he had a blog name...click here if you want  to refresh. Anyway, he's been clearing his throat as if he wants me to look over there and acknowledge that we know each other. I won't. He's a creeper.

Fat Alberto, Typhoid Maria, Blond Sonja, Juarez Teenager Female, Katniss and I are the only people from the last class. That's fine. The Glam Squad would have been too much to handle in this class. Just because your kids are criminals doesn't make you a subject matter expert. Our instructor is okay. A female cop here in the Sun City. She's taught for over ten years and for the past 15 minutes has been talking about how the Sun City PD is short on officers. We had a bonding moment over the stadium being built, I think I'm going to like her. She needs a name. She kind of reminds me of Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School bus. I like it. Ms. Frizzle it is. Except with a gun.

She's a rambler though. We're talking about the Arizona Cardinals now. They used to have season tickets and she explained that the six hour drive was getting too taxing but those are her boys. She's now letting us talk about us and The Deputy went first. He's very detailed and loud. And loves to talk about himself. He's gonna be a cattle wrangler with the USDA once he's done with his degree in Animal Science. Um, okay?

With each of us, she's delved into our lives like a psychologist. Say anything about your life that is similar to hers and she analyzes it and then tells you about hers. It's almost 7 and we haven't even looked at the syllabus. Fat Alberto and some other guy are the last two and Fat Alberto is up. He's going to be long winded, you know, with all his doctor stuff he's done. Oh, and apparently he's already taken all of these courses at El Paso Community College but they didn't transfer. And he has a bleeding disorder that makes him fat. This just keeps getting better and better. He says that he knows all this stuff and that's why he does so good in all of his classes. I've seen his grades, he doesn't do "so good." He's a C-student. That must be Sun City good.

So far, he has listed his career possibilities as such:
Sun City PD
Forensics Specialist
Probation Officer
Corrections
Border Patrol
And my favorite...some type of crime lab thingy.

He wants to be law enforcement but it needs to be something that can't be physical because of his blood disorder. I googled "blood disorders that prevent exercising" and there was no blood disease that said "DO NOT EXERCISE." They did say that exercise is encouraged and recognized. Hmmm, what do renowned doctors know? He is Fat Alberto, MD/SG.

Almost break time and Fat Alberto is still talking. She moved on to the new guy and Fat Alberto just kept talking. Oh wait, he was interrupted by her and now she's telling us about the drunk driver who hit her cop car 17 years ago. I think the story was originally supposed to be about her career progression but she had to tell us about the crash. I guess somewhere in that 17 years after the crash she became a detective who works 8 am to 4 pm, Monday through Friday and her lunch is paid for. Cool? But no we're on to how many classes you can miss in a 5-week period. There was no transition there. It's a giant run-on sentence but I'm enjoying it. The more she talks, the less Fat Alberto can.

We're back from break and finally going over the syllabus. Ms. Frizzle just told us how easy it is to teach at University of Fictitious Bird because they give you everything you need and all she has to do is make a power point. Oh, and if you want to do your team work where one person does it all, that's our business, not hers. YES! This lady is a boss. Except she said that she doesn't real care about grammar and if she tries to correct it and she's wrong, oh well. Now she's telling us about her late work policy and she seems super strict. But you don't care about grammar?

Oh hey, if you write a paper for college, don't make it personal. It should be in the third person, like you're talking. At this point in our college careers, all of these people should be aware of this. Why the hell do we need to be told how to write a paper? This isn't College Writing 101; if they don't know how to write a paper by now, they never will. She keeps stressing it and it's making me like her less and less.

15 til 9 and not an ounce of curriculum has been covered. She has lessened our work load. Instead of a paper and presentation in week 5, we just have a presentation. Fat Alberto was the only person who wanted to do both. What do you call a brown noser when their nose is already brown? Hmm, I'll have to think about that one.

At 9pm we finally started talking about the curriculum, but it turned into "Kids don't get their asses beat enough" conversation. I'm certain this set the tone for the rest of class, as Ms. Frizzle didn't stop us from discussing how much teenagers need to be flogged. She seemed to share our feelings.

Hopefully, next week will be more exciting. Join me Friday for another bloggy blog.