Thursday, July 26, 2012

Nobody's Listening

I blew in this classroom like a whirlwind tonight. My hair is a curly wind-blown mess. I almost dropped my Starbuck's because a fat, jackass in an Army PT shirt wouldn't hold the door for me. I stubbed my toe on the same door because he let go of it as I was walking through and then he turned around and said "Watch out" followed by a laugh. I'm sorry did I screw you and never call again? Did I slap your mama? No? Then hold the door like a god damned gentleman. Then, Ms. Frizzle stops me in the hallway to tell me that she's going to need my help tonight to make sure everyone participates. "Maybe you could ask the other students questions?" she says. Maybe you could ask the students questions. It's what we pay you for!

I get in the actual room and am forced to this awkward tango with The Deputy as he is standing smack-dab in the middle of the door frame. I went left and then right and then just stopped, stepped back and said "After you." Except he didn't move. He just stood there blocking the door. When he finally realized I meant for him to pass through it so I could go in, he said "Oh, I was just standin'." Then, another 15 seconds passed and he said "Oh I guess I should move, ha ha ha." Yes, please, before I get arrested for assaulting a Peace Officer.

I'm not PMSing (okay, I probably am) but it feels like every person in this building was placed here to intentionally annoy me. As I sat down to set up my computer and get my shit together, Fat Alberto tells me "You okay, you know, because you look, que es eso, like frazzled." Fuck you fat ass. Suck a fat mother fucking dick you piece of shit. I look frazzled? You look like you ate out an entire Taco Bell and then rolled around in a pile of what I wanted to say. Instead, I smiled and said ever so sweetly "I'm fine. But thank you for your concern." Instead of shutting the fuck up, he added "Well yeah, because I notice these things, you know." I notice your abdomen has gotten larger since the last time I've seen you, but I'm not commenting on it. Fucker. Yeah, I am definitely PMSing.

I did a super quick scan of the reading material from this week, just in time to get handed our quiz. It was easy. I seriously read for nothing. I only left one question blank at the end, mainly because I didn't care. I'll still get full-credit. I don't think Ms. Frizzle even reads anything I write on mine, because I BS'd last weeks and got 100. If she really read it she would have found a few questionable answers.

While sitting here waiting for  the rest of these brainiacs to finish, I managed to knock out those four paragraphs and have a conversation with Katniss about the not-hotness of Magic Mike and the serious hotness of the guy in the new Step Up movie. Blond Sonja walked in (late, but we're used to that, right?) and from glancing at her test, she's got about 50% of the answers wrong. I'm not sure how she even writes with her long ass acrylic nails. They're a new style every week, but this week, they look longer. Longer than the time she had to have me open a box for her. Long, like "I can't wipe my own ass" long. I just snapped a pic of her and The Deputy. Uploading now...

We normally get from 6 to 6:30 for the quiz, but she gave the late-comers an extra 10 min. But we aren't starting right up, we're discussing the Colorado theater shooting. And of course, Ms. Frizzle thinks it's inappropriate to ask why there were children at the midnight showing. It's too soon to bring that up she said. Really? Because taking a 3-month-old to a midnight showing is a good idea? Get a baby-sitter, and if you can't get one, you don't go. Then we started up about the actual shooter. Though Fat Alberto's opinion was simply a twisted remake of mine (he literally said what I said but added you knows), Ms. Frizzle's was so wishy-washy it was ridiculous. Katniss and I were the most vocal and when she realized we knew what we were talking about, she switched to our side. Now she's reading us an op-ed from the Sun City Times Sunday paper. Her voice keeps fluctuating so I am only hearing half of it. From what I am hearing, it's a crappy op-ed at best. It's simply a series of questions about what could have been done differently. Someone got paid for that. I could have written that while drunk. I need to get a job with the Sun City Times.

We got into a discussion about the surge in firearm sales. I think she's scared of me now, because the look on her face while I explained weapons laws and where to fire and all that shiz was priceless. For a detective she seems pretty uncomfortable with weapons. She even said she leaves her gun at work when her shift is done. She said, "When I'm off work, I'm off work!" It may just have been beat into me over and over that a police officer is always on duty, even when they aren't, but even if I didn't think (or know) that, I wouldn't leave my gun at work. And you're still a cop if you're not on the clock.

We also discussed the case in Kentucky where a 17-year-old girl was sexually assaulted and the 2 boys who did it sent out photos of it happening to their friends. The boys copped a plea and their names ad the terms of the plea were to be kept private. Well, the girl tweeted their names (get it girl!) anyway and said she wasn't going to allow the boys her violated her to get away with it. She said the judge could hold her in contempt, to go ahead and lock her up. What a brave girl. I want to contribute to her legal defense. Seriously. Just because they're minors doesn't mean they aren't sex offenders. Their names SHOULD be public to protect the next girl. I hope that she doesn't face charges for this, but then again, if she does and is convicted, I can see this going to the Supreme Court. The rights of victims of sexual assault or rape shouldn't disappear just because the assaulters/rapists are minors. Fat Alberto added this gem "If they do find her guilty, you know, she's gonna get all violent towards mens." Katniss and I both looked at him and said "No. That's not what happens." Katniss said "There are millions of rape victims and they don't all turn violent." I simply added "What an idiot" but I'm not sure if he heard me.

Typhoid Maria and Fat Alberto are throwin' mad dirty looks in Katniss and I's direction. She caught me lookin' at her lookin' and then looked at Fat Alberto and shook her head in disgust. Hmmm, maybe she smelled him. I can't tell Katniss about it because she's sitting right next to them. We're talking about Repo Games and Operation Repo and Typhoid Maria keeps turning her head to whisper about us. Maybe she's telling him she's been on one of them. Shady bitch. To make matters worse, she is sucking on a lollipop like a true professional. Old people shouldn't so suggestive, it makes other people want to vomit. Also, Katniss just realized why Blond Sonja is named Blond Sonja. She thought it was because of RHONY, but once she understood it's because she looks like Sonja from Operation Repo, she LOL'd for some time.

We just had to do a Missouri and Washington Risk Assessment for two different offenders. Katniss and I got paired with Typhoid Maria, Fat Albeto, and the other guy in their team. He and I did the Missouri assessment for both and Katniss and the idiots did the Washington assessment for the two. No no no, I take that back. Katniss and I did them. The other three may think they contributed, but we knocked that shit out without their help. The other group STILL isn't done and I had time to walk all the way to the bathroom, pee, and come back. And type this paragraph.

The two offenders are the same two we had to choose to write our papers about. While discussing our assessments, Blond Sonja said "I just realized I did my homework wrong, I think. I didn't pick one, I made up my own." I looked at her and said "Can we kick her out of our group please?" She's laughing but I'm serious. The rest of the class is laughing her.

We're being graded on the assessment and our answers, but all we really did was explain why the other group was wrong. The Deputy is adamant that the white girl (who killed someone) should go free and the black kid (who had a concealed weapon) should go to adult prison. Apparently, they are based on actual/fictional people. The chick is Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and the way I see it (from the Wicked view-point) she was a murderer. The boy is based on Judge Mathis, who did turn his life around. BTW, I said the boy should get a second chance and the girl should get locked up BEFORE knowing what they were based on. I also said subconciously, they made the reverse decision based on the race and gender of each subject. They all got quite. Yeah, you're all a bunch of damn racists.

Almost quittin' time, so I'll be signing off. Sorry about my lack-o-blog yesterday. I wanted to write about the Colorado shooting but I can't muster the appropriate sensitivity yet. See you tomorrow.


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