Thursday, June 21, 2012

Poetic Tragedy

Before I go live for tonight's class, let me just say that it has been two full weeks since I last attempted to make contact with the ol' BFF. It's not the longest we have gone without talking, but it is the longest I have gone without trying. If some of you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, read all about it here.

Okay, on to what you came here for. It is 1810 hrs and we are still watching videos from the internet. I've seen them all before and they are no better this time around. Clown Face is laughing at each video as if it is the most hilarious thing she has ever seen. They aren't. She's looked in a mirror before. That has to be the most hilarious thing she has ever seen.

We've only got a little bit of learning to do tonight. We did half of this weeks lesson last week. I-USA has promised us a movie for the end of class. I am seriously annoyed. All we do is watch shit. This isn't America's Funniest Home Videos, this is my fucking education. I am fully aware that Clown Face, Hipster Gordo and Mexican Snookie are cool with watching movies the whole time, but I'm not. The glee on their faces makes me want to slap the shit out of them.

I-USA is "teaching" us about right to counsel and Miranda warnings and I feel like I have heard this all before. Oh, wait, I have. Apparently I-USA did not get the memo that there is nothing new under the sun because he's trying to put a snazzy spin on it. He pretended to be a police officer, he did a (terrible) Clint Eastwood/Dirty Harry impression, did this wierd snappy thing with his hands, but it doesn't matter. I have not uttered a word. I can tell by his face that it's killing him. I just don't care tonight. I'm thinking about telling him at the break that I'm going home. This class and instructor are a waste of time.

Okay, I finally spoke. Stoner White Boy Cop was asked if a suspect he was interogating said that he might want a lawyer, would he tell him to get one. He said no, he would keep talking to him. I had to answer, not just because I-USA was looking to me for a response, but because cops like SWBC are the reason confessions get thrown out. I said that anytime a suspect mentions the word lawyer, stop what you are doing and get a definitive answer. Don't tell them they don't need one, don't bully them into not getting one, just clarify if they want one and proceed accordingly. SWBC looked embarassed as I-USA reitterated what I said. Now we all know how shitty of a cop you are. Awesome. I hope he's the guy who arrests me (God Forbid) because his lack of procedural knowledge and obediance would get me off on appeal.

I just can't seem to focus on class. I keep thinking about who's going to win the basketball game tonight. Please, please, please let OKC come back. I am anticipating an awesome new episode of Suits tonight. Harvey Spector is my dream man (Sorrry Hubby). I am also dwelling on my lack of conversation with the Not BFF. I am much more sad about it this week than last. You get used to somebody, knowing they are just a phone call away, but he isn't now. In all honesty, he hasn't been for some time. Writing it down makes me realize it that much more. Jerk.

Everyone has left for break and it's just me and SWBC. I'm typing, he's on his phone. We're going on 3 minutes of silence, well past the point of making decent conversation. It would be awkward if I said anything now, even though he is staring blankly at me. Well, you know how much I love awkward...

Me: So how long have you been a cop?
SWBC: four years?
Me: Is that a question?
SWBC: Haha, yeah like four years.
Me: Do you like being Sun City PD?
SWBC: Yeah, well, like, it's pretty easy.
Me: Well, that's good, I guess.
SWBC: Yeah.

That was it. More awkward silence. Thank God Katniss and Juarez Teenager Female came back in. He's not the conversationalist I expected, he's worse. I-USA started back with the videos. I haven't laughed once. He keeps looking at Katniss and I for approval and when he doesn't recieve it, tries to amp us up for the next one. I'm starting to enjoy this, knowing how much he needs our affirmation. I know, I'm sick.

I'm scraping at the bottom of the barrel hear. I-USA keeps rambling about IDing suspects and when half the class (okay 2/3) has been in a line-up, it kind of feels like he's giving them advice on beating the charge. I'm trying to hold out for the movie, but I want to leave. He just started on workshop 5, so we get out early next week, and I want to scream. Play your fucking movie so we can go the fuck home. We aren't going to get out early next week because you'll have another movie for us then.

I'm not sure why I haven't left yet. Six people didn't come back from the break, I should have made it seven. I've got this whole scenario worked out in my head. I start packing up my stuff and I-USA says "Where do you think you're going?" and I reply "The hell away from here." I walk out the door and as I put my shades on (because sunglasses make everything cooler) he starts to play another stupid video but this time, it triggers short and the room blows up. I, of course, keep walking because cool people don't look at explosions. I am aware that this would mean people die and that's not cool, but I'm bored and my mind is wandering.

I-USA is describing what happens when an undercover cop poses as a hooker and tries to entrap men looking to bang said hooker. He went into far too much detail for me to not think he's been with a hooker. I realize he is trying to get us to argue with him that entrapment is a load of shit. For the most part, I did. I said what I think, if you steal a car that has the keys in it, take someones money that is hanging out of their purse, or try to pay a hooker for sex, you are knowingly breaking the law. You chose to do that. The cops didn't make you break the law. No one took the other side though. Back to "Let's all agree with the white girl!" I forgot, one of the other girls, Not Elle Woods, asked me if I was staying in the class during the break. She used my name and I chuckled before answering because I don't know hers and probably never will. She'll always be Not Elle Woods or Pinkie Pie (from My Little Pony). I'll go with Pinkie Pie, easier to type. I wasn't sure why she asked until I realized she set all her stuff back down on her desk and then left. You can leave your stuff if a white girl is in the room.

It's almost 9pm which means movie time. This will officially mean that 4/16 hours or 1/4 of our total class time has been movies. Add the youtube clips and I can confidently say that 3/8 of class has been video. He just announced the moive for tonight. Brubaker with Robert Redford. Fuck no. This isn't an Oscar viewing party. I'm done. I don't pay all this money to attend University of Ficticious Bird to watch okay movies from the 1970's or documentaries that blame America for all that is wrong in Mexico. Sorry folks. Drawing the proverbial line.

I'll catch up with you all on Saturday (maybe).


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