Thursday, June 28, 2012

I Thought I Knew It All

Have you ever walked into a room and everyone gets quite and you just know they were talking about you? Totally happened when I walked into the building tonight. Hipster Gordo, Clown Face and Oompa Loompa (the orange fat/skinny girl) were sitting in the entryway and the second I walked in, they stopped talking. Full shutdown and every one of them were staring at me. I almost said "It's not like I would have understood you anyway since you only speak Spanish," but I just flipped my golden locks over my shoulder and walked past them like a boss. Clown Face whispered "She has like a different Coach bag every week." I do? I wasn't aware. But now I'm aware how on my jock you are. Hipster Gordo laughed and said something in Spanish to her. That's cool, my followers and I laugh at you all the time.

We watched this clip as our warm-up.

Hilarious right? Everyone was laughing, including myself. Clown Face laughed the loudest (as per usual) but she totally didn't get it. She said to the thugged out, prison tatted, parolee next to her that "That's how it is. Most of the answers are yes." Including the prostitution part in your case, right?

I-USA is starting us off right and bringing up the Obamacare ruling. I read up on it because I knew he would. I think he might cry when he talks about Chief Justice Roberts siding with the liberals. Almost every member of the class did NOT have an opinion on Obamacare. I wasn't surprised but I am disappointed. Here is a law that will affect their pay for years to come and they don't know a thing about it. Of course, I was the only one discussing the issue with I-USA and Hipster Gordo rolled his eyes a few times. I forgot he probably already gets free healthcare so why should he care?

We have our second exam tonight and a skit and we haven't really rehearsed. It's pretty much ad-lib and we all got here early to go over it. Wait, JTF, Katniss, and I all got here early. Blond Sonja still isn't here! She sent me a text at 1730 hrs (when we were all supposed to be here) that said she doesn't get off work until 1745 hrs. Okay. That would have been nice to know a few days ago when we decided to meet before class. She's supposed to play the bad cop, Katniss the good cop, JTF the suspect and I am the one explaining procedure. We have to demonstrate a constitutional arrest. I'm not making anyone cuff JTF since those procedures aren't covered by the constitution, just what the Fourth Amendment covers. It's not rocket science, but if she doesn't get her by break time, eek. We. Are. Fucked.

We are 45 minutes into I-USA's familiar drone and she isn't here and I haven't paid an ounce of attention. I didn't study for the test either. I'll be fine, but I think I should maybe retain something he's saying. Stand by...

We took a lunch break despite everyone saying we should just press through. Blond Sonja showed up and we had to rehearse like six times because she just doesn't get it. This is gonna suck. Oh, and every tank that said they didn't want food came back with 10lbs each of junk food from the corner store. After watching them stuff their gobs, we did a quick review of the test in which I-USA basically gave us all the answers in the order they would appear on the test. It still took most of them the full 15 minutes allotted for the test. We even got to grade our own tests again. If you have the full 15 and still get shit wrong, you're an idiot. If you don’t know, leave it blank and then circle it as you grade it. I know I am not the only person who thought of this. I didn't do it, I still only got 37/40 (fuck you Fifth Amendment), but how are you getting less than 30/40. YOU GRADE YOUR OWN TEST! Sadly, the ones who got less than 30 right, actually studied. So maybe they weren’t smart enough to figure out how to cheat.

Ugh, Mexican Snookie is sitting two seats away form me and she's having a very intense conversation in Spanglsih with Not Elle Woods and Blob Zombie, who have also sat on our side. All I have understood is that some guy Mexican Snookie is banging has 9 little girls. I hope she means as his children and not on the side. Ew.

So we just presented and Blond Sonja fucked it up but it was still good. Clown Face, Hipster Gordo, Oompa Loompa, the tatted criminal and a girl who didn't wash her hands when we were in the bathroom are up now. They're acting like the two boys are in a low-rider and getting pulled over for an outstanding warrant. However, they are supposed to be presenting on conducting a search with a warrant, not if the suspect has a warrant out for their arrest. This is terrible. They're even acting out the cuffing and searching of the guys. They're now searching the vehicle because the driver has an arrest warrant. Filthy Hands is trying to do her best to act like this is The Shield but all I keep thinking is "Thank God we went first because she's touching stuff I've touched." Katniss asked I-USA when in that whole thing they got a warrant for the search and the smile on his face tells me he is fully aware they got it wrong.

Fat Alberto, Typhoid Maria and their lackeys are up. How to conduct a constitutional interrogation. He has said, "You know" so many times, I am beginning to think that they may be a constitutional requirement. Typhoid Maria is playing the bad cop, which is hilarious because when they were discussing how to do theirs, they weren't doing Good Cop/Bad Cop like us. They are clearly winging it as evidenced by all the Uhs and You Knows. Fat Alberto has said the same sentence 13 different ways to explain what happens. 

The last group is up. Stoner White Boy Cop, Carlos Brown, Blob Zombie, Mexican Snookie and Not Elle Woods are going to show how to search a property without a warrant. They are using a traffic stop to show this. Which is actually correct. Team A (Hipster Gordo) is fuming. They shouldn't be mad at this team; they're doing what they are supposed to be doing. You're group fucked up. SWBC is not convincing as a police officer even though he is one. I feel kind of bad for him. He must get walked all over on the road. I guess they technically got it right, but they still got it wrong. 

We were just informed we will be watching a movie for the last hour of class. I don't give a shit. Whatever. Gives me time to type. I did pull I-USA outside to ask about my observations. Well, because I'm me.

Me: Okay, because I feel like my IQ gets lower with each class I take here, I just want to verify you witnessed the same thing as me. 
I-USA: And what is that? (With a pervy smile)
Me: Well, Team A and Team C presented on the same thing, a search without a warrant, except Team C was the only team that should have presented on that. Right?
I-USA: Oh you caught that?
Me: I'm just wanting verification on that because Katniss asked you if Team A was correct and you sort of shined her on and I would hate for someone to not know the proper procedure.
I-USA: (laughing) I can assure you that their grades will reflect that.
Me: Oh, I don't care about their grades. I care that you're using these skits to teach us and that was beyond wrong.
I-USA: Because you're learning so much, right?
Me: I'm concerned for my team members.
I-USA: You deserve extra credit just for almost making me believe that. (With a wink)

He's right. I want to make damn sure that his lax grading doesn't give them points they don't deserve like the last class I had with him. Essentially, I am the Tea Party to his seat in Congress, the shareholder to his CEO. And quite frankly, he likes it.

Brubaker is still on; Redford has taken over as warden. Hot dam he was a good-looking man. Blob Zombie, Mexican Snookie and Not Elle Woods won't shut the fuck up. They aren't even trying to whisper. The whole class needs to here about baby daddies and who Mexican Snookie thinks she's cuter than. She isn't even cuter than real Snookie, so I cannot imagine whom she looks better than in the Sun City. Not Elle Woods just popped in her ear buds and is rocking out to some type of Tejano music. I'm not being racist, I can hear it. She's tapping along with her fingers and has even sang a few of the words. I'm praying that I-USA notices. This girl could use every last point and these participation points should be gone. I can write this blog and give you a play-by-play and still manage to participate. They can't manage to shut the fuck up for 30 minutes. Let me enjoy a young, hot Robert Redford in peace. I've said "Can you shut the fuck up?" at least three times (and everyone knows I don't whisper) and they're still going. They must not be able to hear me over their own whining. 

The conversation is getting more intense and my patience is practically non-existent. Even JTF wants to punch the shit out of them. Not even an ounce of respect for anyone else that might actually want to watch this movie. Whatever is going on or in between their legs is more important than basic respect and common courtesy. Again, not surprised, just disappointed. I wonder how their illegitimate kids behave in school? Probably just like momma.

I give up. I'm done. If I don't put this lappy away and get ready to leave, bitches will be choked or cut. See you all tomorrow for another round of faves.


Post a Comment