Sunday, May 6, 2012

I'm Down Like Your Internet Connection

Everyone loves a good conversation with tech support, right? The condescending tone of the so-called expert leaves us all feeling warm and fluffy. At University of Ficticious Bird, it is no different. Tech Support is an unavoidable beast that all must deal with and today, well, today was my turn.

I've called in the past, sure. Everyone has site issues and runtime errors, that's the price you pay for going to a university that does everything online. Today, however, I had one of those epic blond moments. I posted my group essay on Tuesday and without thinking, posted the rough-draft. I only caught it today because I always double-check the day of the assignment to make sure everything posted correctly. So, I make the appropriate changes and re-post the assignment. As I try to remove the incorrect version, I found I was unable to. It was odd because the newest post had a little trashcan next to it and gave me the remove option, but the old one didn't. Well, crud, time to call tech support.

I call the number and after getting through the menu, I am immediately connected to Charles (real name). He asks for my student registration number. I give it to him, taking momentary pauses as the number is long and he tells me, not once, but TWICE to repeat it. I do, with no attitude I might add, and then give him my name when prompted.

Charles: (BIG HEAVY SIGH) What do you need?
Me: Well, I am calling because I cannot remove and assignment I turned in and...
C: (Cutting me off) When is it due?
Me: It's due today, but I posted the incorrect assignment and need to take it down.
C: You can't. Nothing comes down the day its due.
M: Well, I posted the correct one and it says I can take it down. It's due today.
C: Well I can't take it down.
M: I wasn't asking you to take it down, I was asking why I can't. But now that YOU'VE brought it up, why can't you take it down?
C: Because that's our policy.
M: Okay, I can't take it down on the due date and you can't take it down on the due date, then why can I take down the one I just posted.
M: Actually, you didn't tell me that, but I am so glad you felt the need to yell it at me.
M: Well I am so glad I pay for your awful attitude. Thank you for not being of any help to me. Can you transfer me to your supervisor, please?

He hung up on me. No joke. Motha fucka hung up on me. All calls are logged by your student registration number so I will be calling back and handling THAT shit. I may or may not let you know how that goes.

Now I am sitting in class laughing as Fat Alberto gives medical advice to the class. Apparently, when you get sick, it makes you sick. But like real sick. I asked him how long he had to go to medical school to learn that. He said without hesitation "Oh, I didn't go to medical school, but my doctor told me stuff."

Tonight we are discussing criminal defenses. Typhoid Maria interrupted KiKi Quiver Bone to ask "If you're guilty, why do you get a defense? You're guilty." KiKi, after many seconds of deep thought, told her "You are innocent until proven guilty, so you get to defend yourself in court. An arrest does not mean guilty." TM didn't let it go and said "But if the cops are arresting you, you're guilty." KiKi completly ignored her and moved on.

Fat Alberto does not understand what a justification is. Every example KiKi is giving (necessity, self-defense, defense of others, etc.) he tries to offer a counter-example that is not even close. For self-defense, he offered the OJ Simpson case as an example. Necessity, he said "You could kill someone if they took your necessity." KiKi is pretty much ignoring his add-ons, which only prompts him to keep talking.

The super racist girl from the NOT FA and TM's team, we'll call her Racista, just told us a story about her ex-boyfriend, a Sun City police officer, has been stalking her for months, on and off-duty. He's pulled her over and cussed her out, followed her to work and school, threatend her child, and she's talking about it like, for lack of a better word, non-chalantly. No big deal, he's just jealous, whatever. My jaw was on the floor. KiKi was equally as shocked. We were both telling her to go to HQ and talk to internal affairs and she just doesn't get it. She said she told his sergeant who she used to kick it with and he promised he would do something.

Me: Did he?
Racista: Well, he said he would but I still see him everywhere. He pulled me over last week and tried to act like he didn't know me and shit and then he was all 'I'm watching you bitch. I know who you fuck'.
KiKi: Then he didn't do anything or if he did, it didn't help. You need to go to IA.
R: Well like, but he said he'd help.
Me: Well he lied. If it really is as bad as you say, you have a responsibility to yourself and your child, and everyone who might come into contact with him in this city, to report him. That behavior is in no way okay.
R: Yeah, I know but, like...
K: But like nothing. Either it's real and you need to report it or you're a liar. Pick one.

We took lunch right after that. Racista tried to keep talking to me about it but I told her "I'm sorry, I just can't." Also during lunch, I discovered I will be the only student (plus Blond Sonya) who will have Big Time Army for our next class. Don't get me wrong, I delight in knowing that I do not have to see Fat Alberto or Typhoid Maria again. I'm even happy that I won't have to suffer through having A-USA for an instructor again, but to not get to witness Big Time Army destroy these idiots again...well, it makes me sad. My blog will surely suffer as I will have to spend time on HW again and I can't live blog, not to mention that my cannon fodder will have disapated. I have no doubt I'll get another group of magically delinquent classmates, but I have to make up new blog names. Lame.

It's now Sunday and I have yet to post this. I had too much fun watching Thor when I got home on Thursday to finish. And then couldn't Friday because of a yard sale and the The Avengers (GO SEE IT!). Saturday was yard sale part two, soccer, soccer pool party, and then an Awesome People Pool Party. All viable excuses as to why I couldn't be bothered. Sadly, I am not adding anything else to this other than the  above written excuse list. Next week lovelys, next week.


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