Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Help Me Hold On

I have been subscribing to a lot of blogs lately...okay, I've been blog stalking without actually subscribing. I noticed all the ones that have a shit ton of followers all have a few things in common.

1)They are all pretty.
And not just "I found a template and tweaked the code", but full on either paid for someone to make it look like that (which my cheap ass will not do) or they actually know how to make all that html/java shit work (which I have no desire to learn how to do). I googled "Free blogger templates easy" and liked this one. If you don't like it, feel free to go fuck yourself.

2)They have a posting theme.
You know what I'm talking about. Everything is about weight loss, crafting, cooking, baking, photography, shitting on a daily basis. I guess I have a theme, if you count venting about the horrible education system in this country, also known as me being a bitch, but I had set out to do a motivational weight-loss blog. I think I did. I guess that didn't work. I have been going to the gym EVERYDAY this year (yes, 2012), but motivational weight-loss blogs require me to tell you how fat I actually am and post pictures of the aforementioned fat, which I don't want to do and you don't want to see. Two of my friends (Shannon and Laura) have personal blogs with themes for specific days and at the risk of copy catting, I think that's do-able. Except that means I have to post more. Fuck.

3)They have pictures.
I can take a mean picture with my iPhone. I can even edit it with all these super cool apps I have. What I can't do is make myself look better in them. I guess that means you get more pictures of the shit I mock and the cuteness that is my kid.

4)They AREN'T assholes.
And they don't use words like 'asshole'. They say nice things about even the most annoying of people. People leave them comments about how great they are, how kind they are, how much the blog has helped them, etc. I don't think I can make this happen. I'd have to have a full-on personality make-over and that's not gonna happen.

5)They network. 
I was reading the comment section and every fourth or fifth one is from another blogger that says something like "Loved your blog. Follow me back!". The problem with that is, if any of these bloggers followed me back, after one paragraph I would be banned. If you're reading this, you must be slightly asshole-ish or just really tolerate me. Pimp me out. Share my blog. I want followers. I want praise. I want haters. Do it. If you don't, I'll write a blog about you, complete with code name and any embarrassing story I can remember and/or makeup about you. Ugh, that's not actually going to happen because that would mean I would have to blog more. Fuck.

School starts back up in two days. The last class with Instructor Deputy, but not the last with my lovely classmates. I promise I will blog it. Maybe by then I'll have a blogging plan of action. Probably not. Happy New Year.

4 comments:

Tiffany Klein said...

I'm here. A somewhat milquetoast follower of this blog. Lame, I know. But keep after it, it's entertaining reading for sure.

Shannon said...

You rock. :) I love your bloggie. :) I am going to look forward to new posts, and lots of pictures. :)

Gary Rader said...

I am not a great writer like you Tiffany but I will try to keeping grammar somewhat correct. Strange thing happened this evening as I was getting my fat ass out of my recliner where I have spent considerable time since breaking my leg in 2006. I have noticed in the last few months that I can't fix into my pants, now size 38 and were 36 before I retired from the Army in 2002. I hadn't been doing full PT for quite some time since I had knee surgery on both knees. I have lots of excuses but I now see that size 40 in my near future as I can barely squeeze in these size 38's which I have accused my wife Denise of over drying. I looked in the mirror as I was undressing this evening and I look like an arthropod, bloated like a whale. How the fuck did I get like this? I could blame it on my thyroid since I have a nodule in it and take synthroid for hypothyroism but I sit on my ass most all the time at work. I need someone to motivate me. I want to try walking but have every excuse I can think of not to, it's too hot or it's too cold, you name it. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist and take medication that makes me tired all the time. I have anxiety and panic attacks, PTSD yet another excuse. What the fuck do I need? A drill sergeant to yell at me and make me exercise?

Tiffany said...

Gary, I wish I had an answer. I just got sick of skinny bitches and how I looked in the mirror. You can't let anyone else be your motivation or tell you what it should be.

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