One, who actually refers to himself as Tank, is a former Army tanker (thus the nickname I would assume...although he is rather large) with three kids, a wife of 17 years who he married right out of high school because "we gots knocked up", is from New Jersey AND Peru, loves to "just kick it", wants to be some type of "cop and stuff" and confessed bringing over things from Mexico to our Customs Agent instructor, Dark Phoenix. How did I learn so much about Tank in just one night, you may be asking? Well, he told us all of this information while trying to explain why he believes cops shouldn't "get away with shit."
Before I go on to the second new person, let me back up a bit. This new class is about ethics in law enforcement, which I know I am going to love. My moral compass may be slightly off, but a class on ethics should be a dream class for me. Sensitive topics that are meant to spark debate and the challenging of preconceived notions....oh wait, this is El Paso. It's gonna suck. Dark Phoenix is teaching it and I do like her as an instructor, but I am very aware how little will be learned.
Anyway, back to the newbs. The second and final addition to our ensemble is Blonde Sonya. Ever watch Operation Repo? You know the Ursula looking creature named Sonya? Have her drop 100 lbs and you've got Blonde Sonya. Better make up though, and she doesn't wear tents and flip flops, but I looked at her and saw Repo Sonya. She even talks like her...except less articulate. She's a single mother because her "baby daddy messes around on me and I ain't paying for his other kids anymore", yes kids plural and yes, anymore. Also, all of his kids were born AFTER her kid and he doesn't work. So I am assuming at some point she actually did pay for his other kids. She was an education major and said she just woke up one day and thought it would be "way cooler" to be a criminal justice major. Not a cop, not in law enforcement, but a criminal justice major. When I asked her what she would do with her way cooler criminal justice degree she said AND I QUOTE "I don't know maybe I could teach at here or something." University of Fictional Bird hires professionals within the field you are studying who have years of experience in that field, not someone who got their degree from UOFB and have no experience in the field. But hey, as long as UOFB gets that money. Oh, and she's in my group now. Yay.
So as I mentioned before, this is an ethics class. Fat Alberto thought it was an "Ethnics class" and after mini-intros, spent a good 5 to 7 minutes talking about ethnics. Dark Phoenix kept trying to cut him off but he just kept going. What really pisses him off is when ethnic people think they can be rude because their ethnic. OF COURSE I asked his definition of ethnic people. He told me "well, not white people or Mexican people." Dark Phoenix then felt compelled to explain what an ethnic group is but stopped herself and said "None of that matters. This is a class on ETHICS". I still don't think Fat Alberto understands the difference.
The rest of class was sadly not as exciting as I imagined. Instead of these ethical questions being thrown at us causing a difference of opinions and debate, the rest of the class waited for me to answer and then would side with me. I, of course, turned it into a bit of a game and made my answers not only unethical, but inhumane and cruel and when they would fall over themselves to agree with me, I would say that I didn't really believe that and state how I really felt, leaving them to look like Adolf Hitler. Dark Phoenix must have caught on to this early on because the questions became increasingly more and more disturbing and did not match the given ones in the book. Some favorites include "If you were on patrol and you saw a child being beaten to death by a group of other children, but those kids were possibly infected with a very contagious disease, would you help the child that was being beaten?", "If in the course of a robbery investigation, you found money from the register that the thief had dropped but the owner had not reported, would you spend it at the same place that had been robbed?", and the best "You captain has asked you to not tell his wife that he has been having a gay affair for months with your brother. Do you tel the wife?"
Let me just say, if they didn't see her trying not to laugh as she read these questions, then they deserved to be made fools of...by me. I answered the first question by explaining that pack mentality was something to not be messed with. "Let's ignore that those children could be spreading the Hantabitted you? You'd be fucked."
For the second question, I stated that as long as their were no finger prints on the money, I would buy myself some coffee and a doughnut from the shop owner if it was that type of shop. Fat Alberto practically salivated over the thought of a doughnut and began describing everything you could buy from a convenience store.
The third question, my personal favorite, I informed them all the Don't Ask, Don't Tell was not just repealed from the military, but from all types of government agencies as well and that you had a legal obligation now to tell. Dark Phoenix literally LOLed and no one caught it. We went on to have a 15 minute conversation about how they all think gays could not be effective police officers. One reason, because they might want to have sex with the suspect, another because if they get hit, the blood could touch other people and give them AIDS. And why you and I realize that I started all of this, none of them seemed to get that as the became more and more unethical, I would switch sides and condemn them for their awful statements. Joe Cool was the only one who knew what I was doing besides Dark Phoenix and he spent most of class echoing my views as to how messed up they all were. I hope no one went home and committed suicide over this...eek.
Anyway, the only eventfulness has now been blogged. Hopefully next week I will have more for you. Until then, stay classy.
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