Thursday, September 1, 2011

Dirty Water

Back in the saddle again. I am fully aware that I did not blog last week's class, or anything at all for that matter. I think the two blogs from two weeks ago should count for being to lazy/annoyed/pre-menstral this past week. Anyway, I will not promise comedic gold this time around, but I have a feeling that any of you that are like me will chuckle as you read.

"Are we clear?" Jaime James Olmos says outloud as he explains graphing linear equations. Some head nodding and vacant stares from the rest of the class (not me of course...I can actively participate and ignore at the same time) promt him to answer "Like the muddy waters of the Rio Grande". Kinda funny right? Wrong. He asks "Are we clear?" about every thirty to forty five-seconds, meaning he says "Like the muddy waters of the Rio Grande" every thirty to forty-five seconds. And every single time he gets courtesey laughs, which only encourage him to keep saying it. Seriusly people, it isn't funny anymore. Stop laughing. Besides, he's making fun of all of you and you're too fucking stupid to get that.

Oh, check this, Shit In My Mouth didn't show. Not only did she not show, she didn't tell any of us and now I have to present her portion of our presentation. Well, I don't have to, but realistically, I am the only one that can. I created the presentation, assigned slides to each member, and am the only one in the group that ACTUALLY understands any of this shit. The Deputy offered to help, but as soon as I said that I could do it, he said "Oh, that's good cause I was just offering to be nice".

The Deputy informed me that he has an 80%. I asked him why and he said "Oh it's cause I didn't think he'd check the answers. I don't got time to double check". Jaime James Olmos overheard this and informed everyone that I am also the only person in the ENTIRE CLASS that has 100%. Apparently, they do not realize that when doing your individual assignment in the online math lab, you can keep doing the problem until it is correct. There is no limit on the amount of times you can try. There are also these nifty little tools that walk you through the problem step by step, thus making getting the problem wrong next to impossible. Well, impossible if you are not a member of this class.

Oh, it's two hours and 11 min into class and the first group is finally done with their presentation. Jaime James Olmos feels the need to interject every other word. "Let me just add that..." is almost heard as frequently as "Like the muddy waters of the Rio Grande". I really shouldn't complain, the longer everyone else takes, the longer I have to tend to Farmville and my Sims, but he is an awful teacher. He got rid of the tests and quizes in our course and replaced them with group presentations. He said it was so we can all learn from each other. No, it's so you don't have to come up with a lesson plan. And I'm not learning shit from anyone. I'm learning it from my book and from what I remember from Mr. Kleinert, my freshman year math teacher. And from Google. Their calculator feature is amazing.

Team B is now presenting and only one team member showed. This really ghetto black woman, we'll call her Shanaynay, who is constantly saying things like "Why you be confusing me dawg?", "This shit be makin my head hurt", and my personal favorite "Naw dawg, that ain't right" when it ALWAYS is. She has no idea what's going on, ever, and she just did a problem on the board that caused me and a very fat white boy, The Blob, and this blonde haired mexican BITCH, we'll call her Fressa, to get into it. They both came up with the WRONG answer after they frantically scribbled on their paper. I, just by looking at the problem said "It's -1/2" and then contiued on with my farm. The Blob says "No it's not, it's 5". Fressa chimes in with "Yeah it's five, you don't always know" in that whine only hispanic bitches can master. I stifle a laugh and say "Really? How did you get to 5?" (BTW, the answer has to be a fraction, the rise over run to determine slope). The Blob says "It's cause I did the math" and Fressa adds "Yeah, we did the math." Jaime James Olmos says "No, you didn't do the math. She did the math, you two did some shrooms before class. Mrs. Golden, can you please come up here and explain your answer?"

So I begrudgingly walk up to the front, write out the problem and solve it and before I can explain how I got it, Shanaynay says "Naw Dawg that ain't right", The Blob says "Nuh uh" and Fressa chimes in with "You're still wrong". Jaime James Olmos throws both hands in the air and says "I can't teach you people nothing" to which I respond "Anything". Yeah, right over his head. J-Jo went on to re-explain the problem showing them I was correct but Fressa, The Blob and Shanaynay are all giving me dirty looks. Shanaynay is sitting directly infront of me and has to do a 180 degree turn to look at me hard, but she's still doing it. I just smile politely and keep farming.

It's now 9pm and we have three more presentations to get through in an hour. Team C is up, Fressa is a member. Their Powerpoint presentation (btw my group was the only one to have a pp last week) looks exactly like I made it....if I was drunk and typing. How do you take a screen grab and not edit it to fit your slide? Half of the screen grab from the text book is missing and the text they added is spelled wrong. If you're going to try and copy my swagger, you need to step up your game Fressa. Just kidding, I know she didn't make it. She mispelled her own name on her name card. J-Jo asked her if it was really how she spelled her name, and she looked at it for a good two min before saying "Oh, I added a g" and giggled. Her name is Rosalba. How do you mistakingly add a "g" to your own name? I'd maybe understand if you were typing, mispelled words happen all the time when typing, but WRITING IT????

9:21 pm and they still aren't done with the second section out of four. That gives Team D and our team (E for EXCELLENT ESCALANTE's) less than 20 min each for our presentations. Judging by how retarded The Blob rest of Team D are, I am willing to bet good money that my group will not be presenting. He never interupts us anyway. He only interupts if the group is wrong. I know I sound like a cocky bitch, but I really am that damn good. Okay, maybe not that damn good, but the rest of the class is that damn bad.

Crap. 9:28 and he wants us to combine the last two groups. He asked if it was possible and I so desperately wanted to say "You can't add perfume to shit and make it not be shit" (us being the perfume of course).

Okay, so we knocked out our presentation without Team D assistance and J-JO said "Once again, the only group that got it right".

So I'm home now. Gave the Little Bug a bath and recounted most of the night to the Hubby. Only two more classes, followed by five of the next math class. I'll be heartbroken if I get smart people in the next class. Keep an eye out for a new blog Sunday night, as I will be attending the Annual Hill's Have Eyes Festival in Hatch, NM. Okay, it's the Hatch Chile Festival, but I'm pretty sure that movie was inspired and filmed in Hatch, NM.


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