Friday, September 9, 2011

Brain Damage

I shall start off this blog by making a very special announcement:

The world champion Greenbay Packers beat "dem Saints" 42 to 34! Absolutely FABULOUS way to start off another championship season! GO PACK GO!

Alright. I had my Cheesehead moment for the week.

Where to begin with class? My brain is like mush right now. I spent 3 hours of class working on my final test in the math lab. It isn't due until next week, but it's not like I actually listen to the other groups presentations. I know, shock, I chose a test over Farmville and the Sims.

My group presented first. Let me re-phrase that. I presented first. The Deputy, who I gave the easier, first section, couldn't pronounce the word function. He kept saying "Fuckton". He had three slides and function only appeared three times, yet he managed to say "Fuckton" like forty times. Thank GOD he won't be here next week. Every presentation I've made, I've given him the easiest part. It's usually the intro and it's ALWAYS step by step, laid out so simply that a preschooler could understand it. But EVERY TIME he feels the need to ad-lib, to put in his UN-needed and never correct two-cents. Today, it was trying to explain "Fucktons" and "bases and expinents" (exponents).

So after interrupting him SEVERAL times to save the group score, Coca Cola starts his portion. Not only does he not know that comma's mean there is a pause, he also thinks that x to the 3rd power is X3. J-JO corrected him every single time he talked about powers, which was every other word as his potion was about powers. Afterward, he told me "It's cause I didn't look at it until today and it was really hard to understand cause it's like, complicated with the math and stuff". That's a direct quote, I wrote it down as he was speaking, realizing it was blog gold. I was not aware that math is hard to understand and complicated until Coca Cola pointed it out to me. And I had that shit to them on Monday, how did he just look at it today? Oh, I know why, because he, like the rest of my team, is a lazy mother fucking idiot.

Shit In My Mouth was next. She informed me while Coca Cola was presenting that she never got the presentation email so she needed to know what part was hers. I told her I sent it on Monday, twice actually (accidents happen) and even showed her my outbox from my phone to prove it. She opened up her mail app and said "Oh, I guess I just missed it." So let me get this shit straight, I tell you I will have the presentation sent to you by Monday and you don't think to text, call or email me asking where it is. You don't check your email thoroughly? You wait until class has started to see what you're supposed to present on????? So she tries to explain Monomials and Polynomials but keeps saying MOMIALS and POLLYS. About thirty seconds in, I cut her off and handle that shit. She kept saying "Yeah, that's right" and "Exactly". No bitch, stop talking. I could have said "Shit In My Mouth is the most retarded woman alive" and she would have said "Yeah that's right" and "Exactly".

My portion went by without the slightest of hiccup. J-JO seemed relieved that he didn't have to interrupt or correct me. And that I could say "Function", "Whatever to the whatever power", "Monomial" and "Polynomial".

I literally spent the next three hours on this test. It was a bitch. You only get one shot and there is ZERO help. I had the textbook open in one window (do Macs have windows???), google in one tab, and this math solver website in another and I still got an 80%. It'll all still average out to an A, but if me, the only person with 100% (or even an A for that matter) in the class can barely get an 80%, the rest of them are fucked. My team members kept trying to ask me questions about next weeks assignment and I had to explain to them a million times that I was doing next week's test, that once you start it it can't be stopped, and that I would get the assignment done by Tuesday. They almost got murdered. When I finished, the looks on their faces were priceless. The Deputy asked if it was hard and I said "Well, I worked non-stop for three hours with every resource I could find and I got an 80%". He replied with "Shit, we're fucked". I wanted to say "Why? Because you mooch off of my brain and still have yet to figure out that Google can do 60% of the work for you? Because fucktons are complicated?", but I just said "Well, you'll do your best." And by best, I mean that he'll get a D overall.

To top it all off, I come home to a fully Fall/Halloween decorated house, complete with motion-activated skeletons and a bat that scared the living shit out of me as I tried to open the front door. Mi Madre and Hubby did an excellent job, even if it is a month too soon for Halloween (but the fall section is very timely), but I was not warned in advance of the crazy bat by the front door and I almost had a heart attack. And my Little Bug was so tuckered out from all the decorating excitement (and the fact that she conned me out of a nap again) that she passed out before I got home. I snuck in her room and gave her a kiss on the forehead and said "I love you the best" (I tell her every night) and her little hand came up and pushed my face away. Great. Even asleep, she's a diva.

Came downstairs and watched Suits with Hubby and while it was another phenominal episode, I got all bummed when I realized it wouldn't be back until next summer. My Thursday's just won't be the same without Harvey and Mike. I mean sure, I'll soon have Grey's Anatomy, but they jumped the shark a few seasons back, I only watch now out of obligation.

Tomorrow will be a fun filled morning of crafting hand-made invitations to the Halloween party Mi Madre is insisting we have and maybe a Walmart run. I'm pretty sure there is something we'll need and Target is just not worth the drive. On the upside, the weather was glorious today in the West Texas town of El Paso and I look forward to a second day of wearing my awesome Gabor riding boots.

Until next time....which may be sooner than usual, depending on how tomorrow's attempt at being Martha Stewart goes.


Shannon said...

I love your class. When you finish I will be sad. LOL! I tell Ava that I love her the best. Sahweet!!

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