Monday, August 8, 2011

My Name Is?

Say the title of the blog outloud. Just do it. Okay, you know how at the end of the sentence, you put that inflection on it that makes it sound like a question? Now imagine that inflection on every sentence a person says. Every. Single. Sentence. If you can imagine that, then you now know what it's like to talk to My Name Is?

When a sentence is not a question yet still ends in one is by far one of the most annoying speech characteristics a person can have. It's maddening. So much so, that I tend to respond with "Are you asking me or telling me?" The problem is that My Name Is? doesn't get it and always, always, ALWAYS responds with "Huh?"

My Name Is? is a nice enough girl. She's quiet, always turns her work in on time (even if it sucks...and it always does), always laughs at my jokes, and always has this look on her face that reminds me of a wounded puppy. She has been on my Learning Team for the past two classes strictly because Instructor USA asked us IN FRONT OF HER if we wanted her on our team. How can you look at a wounded puppy and say no? HOW?!

So My Name Is? was supposed to meet me before class to do a dry run of our group presentation tonight. Class is at 1800, so she said she'd be here at 1700. Nope, didn't happen. She showed up at 1730 and said "So I read over the presentation? I am doing the first five slides? I think I know what to say?" To which I say "You do?" and she says "I do?".

Now, I wasn't in class last week so maybe I just forgot that EVERYTHING is a question to her, but we seriously went back and forth for another five min. I finally said "Wait, do you know what to say or not?" to which she replied "No?'.

So I hand her the note cards I prepared and she read them over. I waited for 15 more min and she finally finishes the 5 index cards and says "So, I need to say this." WITHOUT A QUESTION MARK PEOPLE. I shockingly take it as a statement and get up to go to the restroom, but she says again "So, I say what's on the cards." I sort of nod and go to the restroom, thinking she is talking to herself, I mean, it was a statement for once. Not a question.

I come back to the class and she has a more severe wounded puppy face. Like if you kicked said wounded puppy square in the teeth and called it a fucking mutt. I ask her what's wrong and she says "You just ignored my questions? Are you mad at me." Seriously?!?!?! It's like f-ing opposite day all the time with her! I made up some excuse about how I couldn't hear her and I really had to pee and you should have seen her face shift from devestated puppy back to wounded.

I think I am just a magnet for these people. Or maybe it's God's way of forcing a filter on me.

Anyway, we killed our presentation. I volunteeed to have our group go first. We had to design a prison or jail and I nailed that shit. I made our prison basically model ADMAX Florence in Colorado. How can you beat an already exsisting SuperMAX prison? Oh, that's right, you can't. AND since the US only has one, there is a justafiable need for another one. The Warden was beaming with pride and didn't ask questions, just added a few comments about stuff we discussed. Not in a "You didn't fucking explain it right" but in a "I have a funny story to add to that" way. We weren't winning, we were destroying.

I'd go into the current presentation, but all I hear is Blah Blah Blah, but not in a Ke$ha song way, more like the teacher from Charlie Brown. However, I now know that "There's lots of black peoples in jail", "Libarries are important even for the guys in jails that don't read and stuff", Mrs. Wannabe Officer went into great detail about the food they would serve in their jail, and apparently, they're "gonna let the prisoners eat some good food"

Thank God I start Math next week and I'll get a break from these people.


Shannon said...

LMAO... Once are killing me... You go girl...with your awesome prison. :)

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