Friday, September 21, 2012

You Haven't Done Nothin'

Well, fuck you too bitch. I walked into class tonight to find Typhoid Maria on her phone. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be rude. She rattled off in Spanglish for another five minuets and hung up. I fully expected her typical fake hello, but nothing. Then her teammate walks in, the other one who I shall now call Jerry Curl, and she says, "Oh hello Jerry Curl! How are you?" He answers, they converse in Spanglish, shoot me a dirty look (her not him), and then stop talking. In walks Fat Alberto and Clown Face, same thing. First thing that came to mind was that thy must have seen my blog. Shit. But Clown Face, Fat Alberto, and Jerry Curl all said hi after they spoke with her. Clown Face actually carried on a conversation with me about my computer and how she wants to buy a Mac. Typhoid Maria scoffed and said "Well, if we could all afford such luxurious computers."

Okay, it isn't the blog. She's just being her usual bitchy self. Clown Face and I ignored her, well, I ignored her. Clown Face responded by telling her that she was being "Pavisè agressivo." No joke. I laughed, couldn't help it. Typhoid Maria scowled and whispered to Fat Alberto something about "esa puta es tan roja" which Google translate told me means "that bitch is so red." She's right, I am red. I'm pretty sure I got sun stroke yesterday. If she's lucky, I'll throw up on her in a bit. You don't just get red with sun stroke, you get nauseous too.

OMG. This bitch pulled out some Avon catalogues and handed them to me, Clown Face, and Juarez Teenager Female. She smiled and said "We have some really good makeup that covers redness." Clown Face told her no thank you, that she only wear luxurious brands. Damn you, you took my line! Juarez Teenager Female just smiled and said thank you. I handed it back to her and said that since she's so sick of me that turning this into a business relationship probably isn't a good idea. She said nothing. Clown Face really killed it with that line, I'm bummed now.

It's near 10 past and we haven't started. Not typical of Mr. Bordertown. I do get more time to listen to Typhoid Maria and Fat Alberto discuss how they're doing next week's assignment. Fat Alberto says that he can do the first bullet, TM can do the second and third, and Jerry Curl can do 4-7. I looked at the syllabus and the first bullet is a 100-word answer if I stretch it, 30 words knowing Fat Alberto's quality of work. Two and three will be roughly 300 based on TM's work, 4-7 is a minimum of 1,000 to cover everything and get a C. Not just my opinion, this is based on Mr. Bordertown's grading rubric. Fat Alberto says that since he puts everything together, he should do the least work. TM seems to agree. Poor Jerry Curl, he looks pissed. He told FA and TM that it should be equal, but FA said "You're the newest so you do more." He just sadly nodded.

We've been discussing the status of the Middle East for the past hour. It's been interesting to say the least. Fat Alberto's foreign policy is creative. He thinks "We should be like the ones who say no and stuff, you know, because they need to listen and stuff." I don't know what that means, but he's pretty confident it would work, and if Fat Alberto is confident in a plan, shouldn't we all be on board with it? Yeah, Mr. Bordertown didn't think so either.

Mr. B: Fat Alberto, do you think before you speak?
FA: (laughs) You know, yeah, but you know they don't listen and stuff, you know.
Mr. B: I think it's you who doesn't listen, you know?
FA: It's cause in the Middle Easts, they, you know, have the Islams and they...
Mr. B: (looks directly at me) Pointless, huh?

I laughed for far longer than was polite. I couldn't help it. No one else laughed because no one else got it, though Clown Face nervously giggled. I choose to believe she got it. Denial can make you feel less lonely sometimes.

After break, we began talking about components of the criminal justice system, to include Fat Alberto's profession, the security guard. Yes, security officers are part of law enforcement. Yes, they serve an invaluable purpose as police cannot do everything. Yes, in Texas they do have to meet state requirements. No, you are not a cop. Fat Alberto told us a tale about a friend of his who...I'll let his words tell you.

My friend, he's a security officer you know, and he was watching this park. You know like guarding? He saw these kids you know and he told them 'Hey kids, you know, it's past the hours of time you can be here you know' but they didn't listen and they pointed a gun about him you know. So he called the police, you know, but the cop came and he was a white guy and because he was white you know, he said he didn't believe him. The kids said the friend of mine was drinking and the white cop said 'I believe the kids you know.'

Okay, that story happened, but we weren't too sure if the EVENT happened. We asked (and by we I mean Mr. Bordertown and I) if he reported this to his supervisor or filed a formal complaint with Sun City PD. Okay I told him because the white cop did it to be a racist you know, but he said he had to wait for 15 days because that's what he knows. So then we asked why he had to wait 15 days. Oh you know because he said he had to wait in case they wanted to test him or something. 

Test him for what? Drugs and alcohol? Mr. Bordertown asked me to please explain to Fat Alberto why the officer's doubt of the security guard had nothing to do with race. I obliged gladly. I informed him that the officer's treatment of his buddy had nothing to do with race and everything to do with his badge coming from a Cracker Jack box. No it's metals. I then told him that his friend's failure to report the incident (especially if those kids really had a gun) caused it to wreak of bullshit. I know but he said you know. And the cop was white. Again with the white? Mr. Bordertown jumped in and told him that it really had nothing to do with race. The cop probably just thought the security guard was a tool. Clown Face replied with "Tools are useful." Damn girl, that 3 lbs of makeup really caused me to underestimate you.

It was another night of mostly stimulating conversation. I normally can type and talk, but when you're actually invested in the conversation, it's hard to do both. I will pick back up at the end of class.

Mr. Bordertown wanted to talk to us about our papers. He had told Hubby that he grades everyone else off what my grade is and I was flattered and sorta thought he was joking. He wasn't.

Mr. B: Remember guys, when I graded your papers last week, I left you comments and corrections. I hope you read them and didn't repeat those mistakes. I only gave out one 10 last week and there's good reason for that. It would serve you well to ask her...or him how to make that happen. Because some of you, well, it wasn't pretty.
FA: Oh you know, I saw the words in red and you know, they helped.
Mr. B: Well, make sure you're utilizing the tools that are available to you to improve your papers. Tiffany doesn't get perfect scores because she wings it. I mean, whoever got the 10. Make sure you are checking your spelling and grammar with spellcheck.
FA: Oh you know, I was gonna ask you. Is there a, you know, a thing that does a spellcheck like you said, you know?
*dead silence*
Tiffany: Um, yeah, there is. It's called "Spellcheck."
FA: Oh okay. Cause like, I thought they should make something like that, you know.
Tiffany: Well, "they" do. It's been around for a while. Spellcheck. Little box with "ABC" and a check mark. When the little red squiggly line shows up under a word, that means it's spelled wrong. When the squiggly line is green, it's a grammar mistake. Been around since, well, forever.
FA: Oh okay. I might check that out.
Mr. B: No, you WILL check that out.
FA: Oh si. You know, if it's on the writing thing.

Now, you know you're a fucking dumb ass when even Blond Sonja is laughing at you. Like, hardcore, can't catch your breath style laughing. Who doesn't know about spellcheck? Maybe it's just something found on luxurious computers.

I know this was supposed to be up last night, sorry? Little Bug has her BFF over for a play date and I'll probably post later as the convo I am overhearing is hysterical. See ya later!


Shannon {ava_caitlyn} said...

LURVE!!! My {not} luxurious Dell laptop (but it is pink so it is pretty) does have that little button for spelling. LMAO!

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