Thursday, September 6, 2012

One More To Go

One more to go. One more to go. One more to....annoying much? Someone should tell Typhoid Maria. I think it's her mantra tonight. Fat Alberto interrupted her to whisper about my team and what they think our presentation will be about. Better than yours, that's what it's about.

Semper Fucking Idiot is decked out in a Dallas Cowboy's jersey and slicked back hair. He wore it because they won last night and he knows Baloo is a Giants fan. He is practically begging for Baloo to notice him and strike up some football talk.

His badge is right next to his cup. I couldn't get a shot without being HELLA obvious.

Baloo walked in (late at 6:10) and said, "Oh this guy! He just had to do it!" SFI is beaming from ear-to-ear. Did I call it or did I call it? In the words of Blond Sonja, "I fucking hate the PD."

Speaking of Blond Sonja, she isn't here yet. How the shit is our group supposed to go first if she isn't here? I delight in going first, it pisses everyone else off and sets the bar too high for them to reach. 

Oh shit, we be gettin' it crackin' quick tonight. Baloo pulled up the week 5 PowerPoint and is already clicking away. Tonight we are discussing organized crime and politics. He asked us about the conventions and if anyone has watched them. When I said that I have been, he asked if I found the speakers convincing. I said that I found the DNC speakers to be repetitive and beating a dead horse and gave specific examples. He immediately decided to counter by praising the Dems like he was sucking Bill Clinton's dick. Funny, because last week he was right-winging it up.

Now we are on to local politics and crime. It's going to be a long night. Sun City is the definition of corruption. Really, go on and Google this town. I'm not shocked about all the scandal, but people wonder why the rest of the nation (and Texas) looks down on us. So far, we have been through 6 slides that have had 5 stories about public corruption cases in El Paso. And of those 30 (we aren't done yet), 26 of them were in the last 24 months alone. 

Oy vey, this city is fucked up. 

Break cannot come soon enough. I have to pee and Blond Sonja arrived, plopped down next to me and smells like an ashtray. I wasn't aware she was a smoker, but I certainly am now. If I have to hear Baloo ramble on about how it is our patriotic duty to challenge our elected officials (I know that it is), I may scream. Your words are falling on deaf ears. No one in here (beside me) gives a shit. 

We spent most of the lunch break discussing idiots we have encountered in this city and in our law enforcement careers. As much as I detest Baloo, he has some good tales. 

Oh shit, presentation time! Team A is up first. The Deputy, Doppelganger Housewife, and Peircy Paula. On slide 2 (objectives) I could already tell they did it wrong. You're supposed to compare an organized crime group to a terrorist group. They are just comparing organized crime to terrorism. The slides themselves are terrible, red text on a black and white background with an Al Pacino picture. "The Middle Eastern's have back door crime," The Deputy said. He wasn't talking about sodomy but I laughed anyway. Also, Jimmy Carter was president in 1982 when that Iran hostage thingy went down. I wish I could interrupt and pwn him. Le Sigh. "The US-Mexican border goes for alotta miles and they get there stuff in." I feel so enlightened. PP is now talking and I had hope that it would get better. It hasn't.

Katniss had to leave early. She has a serious fever (I think it's West Nile) and Baloo said she would get full-credit as long as it's alright with us. Of course it is, but I am a little jealous she gets to miss the train-wreck happening in front of me. You know your presentation is garbage when the instructor has interrupted and corrected you several times.

We went. Bad ass mother fuckers we be. Baloo critiqued us anyway, not nearly as bad as Team A, but he added at the end that maybe we shouldn't use note cards. Maybe you shouldn't fuck with perfection. If Big Time Army told me to do it, I'm doing it. I know Baloo meant Blond Sonja and Juarez Teenager Female because he was looking directly at them and mimicking how they stood, but I think I'm going to "take offense for someone else" here. They did 1,000,000 times better than Team A, quit looking for something to dock them (or us) down on.

Team C stepped up to the plate. Again, wrong. Just wrong. Moobs, SFI, and the guy who wants to work for the "federala polices" make up this team. I will try very hard to not laugh. They are also comparing organized crime to terrorism, instead of specific groups like the syllabus and Baloo explained. I want to make the excuse that maybe they can't read and that's why they got it all wrong, but they're doing a damn good job of reading directly off of the paragraphs (taken directly from Wikipedia) on each slide. 

Too much. Shouldn't read. Please stop.

I actually downloaded the presentation grading matrix Baloo posted and have been grading everyone by it. Team A would get a D by the University's standards, Team C is a firm F. Not because I hate SFI, but because the matrix says so. He used the Aztecas as an example of a gang and said that gangs use the jails to smuggle...but Baloo interrupted (because he used to RUN the jail) and said, "Who is doing this?" SFI got all defensive and said, "No okay. I wasn't talking about a specific gang. I just said Aztecas because people know them." But, you were supposed to use a specific group. SFI, who was a Marine for 3 years during peacetime, is an expert on terrorist groups and their potential targets. He thinks they will go after....wait for is sooooo good....Apple and Google. Not the websites, not hacking, but the actual locations of Apple, Inc and Google. Cuppertino is going to get hit, I heard it from Semper Fucking Idiot first. 

Holy balls. Team D (Fat Alberto, Typhoid Maria, and that other dude) actually picked two groups. MS13 and al-Qaeda. All of their "facts" are really bad and inaccurate, but they get points for trying. Fat Alberto, as he does EVERY TIME he presents, said, "You know, like Tiffany said..." I should get extra points for as many times as he has piggybacked off of me. He spoke at length about how al-Qaeda doesn't bribe people because it goes against the "terrors they do." Baloo asked him to clarify and he simply replied, "Yeah, it's true." 

Typhoid Maria is explaining how al-Qaeda works and she pulled a Fat Alberto. However, she said, "Juarez Teenager Female talked alot of stuff about al-Qaeda so I can skip that." She keeps saying "Hislam" instead of "Islam." I am trying so hard to not laugh. 

The Other Guy is explaining why MS13 uses the 13. He said with a nervous laugh, "Not it's not because of Michael Meyers." I had to. "Do you mean Jason Vorhees?" I said. "No," he replied, "esta es Michael Meyers from Friday the 13th." Do you know how hard it is to be the smartest person in the room? My brain hurts.

There was some more crap being spewed but I closed my Mac and tried my best to not fall asleep. I'm typing this last part from home (while watching VMA recaps). I hope you all had a wonderful day. See you tomorrow...maybe!

Typhoid Maria and Fat Alberto. You read those slides good now.

Peircy Paula asked me after class what I was doing. I said I wanted a pic of Baloo to show Hubby. I've lost my smoothness.


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