Thursday, October 13, 2011

New Deep

I've been listening to a lot of John Mayer in the past 24 hours for no apparent reason and during a shuffle all albums session, this song called New Deep came on. The lyrics are really wonderful, all about the pompousness of youth and how over analyzing is ridiculous and how this person has really made a change.  The chorus starts out with this statement that "Numb is the new deep" and it got me to thinking "Wow, what a good choice for a blog title". I'm sure you all have caught on that the blog titles are all song titles...if you didn't, just pretend you did.

I'm still not sure how it applies to my night so far. Maybe because I believe (cough cough KNOW) I am far more evolved than anyone else in this class. Maybe it can serve as a reminder that I am not the center of the universe, and that I need to be nicer. I need to change. There is this line where he says "I'm a new man, I wear a new cologne and you wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed." Granted, this song was pre-John Mayer the raging man whore douche bag, but I'm smokin' what he's rollin'. Perhaps I should stop analyzing the fault in others and have a good time.....

Just fucking kidding! Tonight is an especially special night. I did a bad bad thing. I gave myself the easiest part of our presentation. I'm talking title slide, objectives slide, intro and maybe one or two math problems. I also informed my team that they will be receiving ZERO help from me tonight. JJO said they need to be able to do it on their own and it will not effect my grade if they suck, so BAM! Let them eat cake. Or whatever Witty phrase works there.

The first two groups that have presented flat out said before they started that they didn't understand what they're doing and JJO was on that shit. He kept jumping up and saying "Clear as the muddy waters...." and writing frantically with the dying dry-erase marker. As much as this place costs, you'd think we'd get some better markers. Maybe a coffee bar. We did get snazzy desks with outlets built in, so I guess my charger thanks them. I actually think all of the money we pay goes to the AC bill. It's fucking freezing in here, plus everyone is sneezing and coughing. Apparently, no one in this class was taught to cover their damn noses and mouths.

The chick currently presenting is wearing a see through white shirt with an ill-fitting white bra that makes her look like she has inverted nipples. And she's a skinny fat girl, so I am even more disgusted. You know what I'm talking about. She's thin-ish but has creepy bell rolls and has a shirt from the Baby Gap. What's worse is she is wearing a man's xxl hoodie but it isn't zipped and it's hanging off of her shoulders. She needs a high pony tail in a scrunchie to really be able to pull this look off.

We just went on a 30 min break and Coca Cola asked if I wanted anything as he is going to the gas station and I have no desire to walk there, stand in line for our whole break and come back to class and be that jackass that's eating during the presentations. I prefer to be the jackass that is typing hateful things while occasionally saying "Uh huh", "Oh, that makes sense" and "7" without even looking up. Anyway, I said "Yeah, can you get me some coffee or hot chocolate or whatever. something that's hot". He replies "Like those starbucks drinks in the cooler? Or like a burrito?" SERIOUSLY?????? It took everything to not flat out slap the man across the face ala Terrence and Phillip on Brooke Sheilds (I think maybe one of you will get that reference), and after the long pause that should have been followed with a slap, I say "Like, hot coffee in a cup".

We're up next and I am giddy with excitement. I can't wait to present and then kick back and watch the train wreck. I wish I would have brought my knitting stuff. How perfect of a picture did I just paint? Huh? Feet kicked up on a chair, knitting away and chuckling as my team burns in the flames of the wreck. I know, I'm sick.

So they bombed....hard. Coca Cola went first. It was awful. JJO kept asking me to explain and then would say "No, I'm sorry. Coca Cola, please explain" and then when he couldn't, JJO would take over. SIMM did great, but he rushed her because she knew it. Same with me. Then came Cum On Irene. She started by saying "Well, it wasn't on the slide but I thought I would add yada yada yada" HOWEVER, it was on the fucking slide. Right on top. Way to look like a fucking idiot. Then she said "Well, I worked really hard on this but it's just so hard to understand." She didn't work hard on anything. I made the whole goddamn thing. I almost hit an old woman in a hot pink sling. And then Other Team Member didn't even present. At all. She stood there and said "Oh well you just explained it so we're done". I am enraged right now. Fully.

I am going to destroy this bitch. I can't wait until next week's class. I will craft a presentation that makes the rest of us look like good mother fucking Will Hunting and makes her look like Slingblade. It is so on. Would it be wrong to leave her name off of the HW as well? I mean, she doesn't do any of it. I do. I make the team logs that say who does what. Granted, I lie on those logs so they are believable, but I can fix that real quick. Maybe shoulder check her as we walk to the front.

And before I fucking forget, she has a damn bow in her hair. A fucking bow like I would put in the Little Bug's hair. And the bow matches the bows on her shoes and the bow earrings she is wearing. They're all blue to coordinate (allegedly) with her outfit. Problem is, her shirt is a pastel pink disaster and the pants are fuchsia. It isn't color blocking, it's color raping.

JJO is talking over the final group now, I'm sure he's trying to explain something important about next week, but I could care less. I'm trying to figure out how to cut a bitch without anyone knowing I cut a bitch.

WAIT! It gets better. I came out to my car to find a note on my door that said "Text Me Plz. Brandon" with his number. So I think, shit, maybe he hit my car or some shit. Nope it was the campus security guard and he said he's trying to meet new people. WTF???? Not just inappropriate, I'm creeped the hell out. Sooooo reporting that tomorrow.


Shannon said...

Yep, creepy. We need bows. For real.

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