Thursday, March 29, 2012

No Followers

New class, same people, new teacher...yada yada. Yes, it's been a while. Yes, I did not blog about Big Time Army. I have my reasons. He actually turned out to be quite the mentor. And I couldn't use my computer in class or write everything that happened it never made it to blog. Deal with it.

I am currently taking a class on cultural diversity in law enforcement. I am, again, the only white person, everyone else is Hispanic. I thought that this might be a fun class, 7 Hispanics against one white girl, but alas, this is not the case. I'll explain shortly.

My instructor is a US probation officer. Except when I picture a US probation officer, I don't picture such a fucking pussy. He looks like a softer Jimmy Smitts, think Jimmy Smitts a la The Jane Austen Book Club and less Dexter. He introduced himself to us by saying that he wouldn't be such a hard ass like Big Time Army and that we could all be friends. No, I don't want to be friends with the mangina version of Jimmy Smitts. I want to hang out with the bat-shit crazy Dexter version or the smokin' hot NYPD Blue one, but definitely not you. He even apologized for the grading policy and said "The university makes me stick to this, but I'm sure I can bullshit it if it comes to that."  Do you bullshit probation reports and let murders and drug dealers free if it comes to that?! Fucker.

So we start talking about things that are surely going to be brought up in class, you know, like race and ethnicity and sensitive subjects. But he's looking at me the whole time. Really bro? Because I'm white? I guess he sensed my mood and says to me "I just don't want anyone to get upset. Like, because you're the minority." I will admit, this was the line I was hoping would be said, though I didn't think it would come from the instructor. I figured Fat Alberto would say something unintelligible. I smiled sweetly (yes, I am capable) and said "Well, I'm still the majority in the nation, so I've got that going for me, which is nice." (Yes, that is taken from The Wedding Singer and I know I was the only one who knew that). You could have heard a pin drop before Not Jimmy Smitts gave a nervous chuckle.

He kept talking about how we can't get offended over offensive things and would come this close to saying the n word. "Like if we talk about black people and someone says Ni...." or "Do you think it's racist when black people say Ni..." Like it was right on the tip of his tongue and he desperately wanted to say it to get a reaction. I still maintain that Hispanics are the most racist group of all, and his eager desire to say it totally reinforces my beliefs.

So, OF COURSE we get to talking about the Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman incident. I was ready, sharpened words and all but before I could viciously pounce on someone for their ridiculously uneducated thought vomit, but he has me start. Well, fuck. So I state my case and try to keep it as vague as possible so no one poaches my ideas (as they always do) and even being vague I have still taken the stance you would all expect me to take. Obviously not the opinion a typical El Paso Hispanic would take....but guess what? They ALL agree with me. Every last one of them to include Not Jimmy Smitts. some are emphatically nodding their heads and one of the new girls says "No it's cause she's right cause like she's right." Yep, I'm just THAT right.

After 45 minutes of their lips being firmly attached to my lily white ass, I started taking the side of the minority. I mean full on Mitt Romney flip-flop on the issue. I even said "As a minority of Hispanic descent, I feel like we are ALL Trayvon" to which they all said "Oh si" and "That is so true" followed by a "I feel like he was my little mejito." YEp, that happened. I couldn't resist and immediately flipped back over to the pro-Zimmerman and said that Zimmerman was a victim and that Hispanics are always targeted by black people. Pretty ridiculous right? Nope, they agreed with me.

I feel like a puppet master. I feel like I am making these fuckers dance by the slight twitch of my finger. I might have to master a maniacal laugh after tonight. Oh, this was all LAST week. Tonight we are acting as moderators and panelists and my group will be discussing the governments reaction to racial and ethnic issues and we will me using the Trayvon shooting as our example. I will be the moderator and you can guaran-damn-tee I will be egging this shit on. I'll probably post it tonight too. Two in one night, consider yourselves lucky....or that I feel guilty for abandoning you all for so long.


Shannon said...

LOVE it!! :) Sheep...Baaahhhh

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