I've Been Everywhere

I really have. And now I am smack dab in Middle of Nowhere, Texas...better known as Kitty Kat, Texas. Don't get me wrong, aside from the herd of bison that don't think I'm good enough for my husband, it is a great place. Most people are very friendly, genuine, and I know I can count on them for anything.

Anything except having a Walmart, Target, drug store, Starbucks, etc. in their back yard. If they did, I would never leave this place. But alas, they do not and I must troll the Internet for the things I require...or just really want.

Starting with: An at home pedicure. You see, there is no nail salon, no comfy chair that massages my lower lumbar as I listen to bitchy Koreans talk about how dry my feet are. I miss those angry little Asians. *tear* I've had to take matters into my own hands...

This thing is a lifesaver. No foot soaking needed and I don't have to be referred to as white girl. Time saver and less racist.

Have I mentioned that Kitty Kat, Texas is dry? As in booze is not sold in this town village rest stop that I reside in. I could drive 17 miles to the county seat and buy beer at the gas station, but no liquor or wine. BUT (!) it's almost like Amazon.com knew that this would happen and prepared in advance. I give to you Amazon Wine!

I have Amazon Prime and my shipping is free and quick. Wine shall be mine!

Now, I know what you all y'all are thinkin', that there girl needs a wine rack to store all that there wine she's gonna be orderin'. Yep. Already ahead of you. And after trolling Amazon for hours...okay, like 15 minutes, I found this one that hold 9 bottles of manna from heaven.

Wall mounted means I don't have to try to find space for it. And though that price says $30.19, I got it for free 99, because Baby Sis decided I needed a house warming gift. She kind of doesn't suck.

Now, I'm not a super lush...but I do know where a drive-thru liquor store is about 45 minutes away. 

Moving on. You know what else the country has? Bugs. Every single type of bug imaginable. I would not be shocked if a Camel Spider popped its head out my kitchen cabinet just to say "Hey!" Actually, Hubby is super OCD about cleaning and bug extermination, so finding a bug in the house would actually surprise me, but if he was chillin' on my front porch with a sweet tea, I would wave back. Little bug hates bugs as well, and I think its time to buy stock in OFF.

You may be thinking, "Wow, she has options to choose from!" You'd be wrong. I use all of these. Yes, at the same time. Okay, I'm kidding. No, I am actually not.

The other night, Hubby was out patrolling the mean streets of Briscoe County. Little Bug and I were just about to go to sleep, when we heard the unmistakable sound of the glass door opening, followed by someone trying to open the front door. Little Bug said, "Daddy's home!" and I went into the living room to greet him. But NO, I did not see his head through the windows at the top of the door. Someone was still trying to open the door though, so I turned right around and went to retrieve my baby. Not Little Bug, my other baby.

Beretta PX4 Storm Subcompact 9mm. And yes those are hollow points. Mine is loaded with them as well. Come in my house, I dare you.

EXCEPT my baby was not in its usual spot. I then grabbed my other baby, locked us in my bedroom and called Hubby. He was in the county seat, but sent the Sheriff and a state trooper to come right over and check the surrounding area. They found nothing but footprints likely belonging to the heathen children that live behind us. I'm actually happy that Hubby had my gun, because I would have probably fired. 

Which brings me to the next thing you need in the country. Security lights. And you can bet your ass that I bought one that will blind ya.

Worth every penny. Country people seem to be afraid of lights. I think that's why they don't have street lights, stop lights, or even electricity. I kid, I kid. Only the meth trailers are electricity free.

There is so much more stuff I have Amazon'd since our arrival, but I've got to save something for next week. That isn't a promise to actually write next week, but I might think about it. And since this should have been up yesterday before my iPhone Blogger app ate it, I'll have Tuesday's Thrashing up soon too!

Parachutes

First off, I need to get in a little rant before I start part duex. What's the point of writing a blog and scheduling a post to go up at a certain time when Blogger just pretends it will do it and then deletes it? I know I did it right this time, but no, it just shits it out of the Internet into some lost blog abyss. No more blogging in advance for me.

Okay. Here we go.

The Ballad of Stolen Valor: Part 2

It was a cold, dark night and the winds of El Paso whipped around me as I made the long walk from my car to the front doors of hell. Too dramatic? Okay, it was cold as balls and I was in a dark parking lot, trying to make a beeline for the door of work. I was trying to pry the exit door open (it was easier than going to the other side of the building), while juggling my coffee, lunch bag, and purse, when I heard him before I saw him. "Watch your six!" he yelled out with a cackle following it.

I don't know what he was expecting. Maybe he thought he would startle me and I would some type of PTSD flashback and he could see my moves? Maybe he thought we would bond over his usage of a "military" phrase? Or maybe, he's just a creepy rapist in a dark parking lot? Yeah, that's probably it. I did my best to ignore him as I finally got the door open, but he tried to squeeze past me. Um, apparently someone forgot the doors have a sensor to open them from the inside. So literally the door opens wide as he pushes past me and he looks even more like a rapist. "Oh, my bad," he says and all I can think is "You're going down tonight, fucker."

As I plopped myself down in my office chair, I began to devise a plan. I would wait until lunch and call him out in front of EVERYONE. Of course I would keep and ear out all night for his tales of Taliban killin' glory. But then it happened. I made an ally I will forever be blog indebted to.

His name is Tim. We will call him Midcity Stoner. MS is originally from SoCal, but thankfully didn't call it that. I would have hated him immediately. He used to work at Walmart, got fired for punching his manager, smokes weed like he's Snoop Dogg, and is my height or slightly taller (5'4"). He's thick, borderline fat, but has that sort of laugh that makes you laugh too, even if what he's laughing at was stupid. He calls me Tiff, only because the first time he did I asked him not to. He asked me why and I told him that a tiff is a petty little fight. So he never stopped. Whatevs. I call him much worse.

I'm walking back to the computer room to grab some paper and Midcity Stoner pops out of nowhere (scaring the shit out of me) and says "Tiff, come here. I gotta tell you this shit." We covertly make our way to the corner where diapers meets clothes and he fills me in.

MS: You know I fucking hate Mario, right?
Me: Well yeah, doesn't everyone?
MS: He he he. Yeah. Everyone. Even his family I think.
Me: True.
MS: So you were military right? Air Force or some shit?
Me: Yes, that exact shit.
MS: So you know about planes?
Me: Probably not as much as I should, but enough to call bullshit. Please tell me you have bullshit.
MS: Girl, I've got some serious shit.
Me: Please...continue. (Yes, I made an evil hand gesture, think the psych ward guy from Beauty and the Beast)
MS: Alright, so we're talking about Transformers 3 right?
Me: Why? It was terrible!
MS: I know, but its the only movie in the break room and we're gonna put it on during lunch.
Me: Got it. Continue.
MS: So Kenyon (another guy we work with...who's dreds have creatures) says like man that shit was crazy when theys in they squirrel suits. And Mario's fucking eyes light up and he starts saying that he used that shit when he parachuted or some shit into Baghdad.
Me: *could've heard a pin drop*
MS: Wait though, he said he parachuted from a B1. I don't know shit about shit like that but I know that's not that kind of plane.
Me: *finding my voice* What. The. Fuck.
MS: Right?
Me: Let's go with the plane first, no one, EVER, would jump, not parachute, but jump from a B1. It's a bomber. It holds bombs, not people. And who fucking "parachutes"? Seriously. I have never heard anyone who has been to Jump school call it Parachuting school.
MS: You look heated.
Me: He's just such a fucking liar.
MS: Call his ass out. That's what we do in my hood.
Me: That's what we do in my hood too.
Kenyon: *next isle over* Oh you got a hood?
Me: Yeah, you know. I keep it gangster.
Kenyon: I feel you.
MS: You're fucking stupid Tiff.
Me: I know.

So we devised a plan. I would take my lunch at the same time as everyone else, we would cue up the squirrel flying scene from Transformers 3 and wait for him to start. As soon as he opened his mouth with that bullshit, I would strike. I was giddy to say the least. He strutted in the break room about 20 seconds after I called for lunch. Such a fucking camper, but MS was right behind him. He didn't even go to the fridge, he cued up the movie. As the last employee strolled in, he hit play. Stolen Valor almost came.

SV: Yeah this is the best part!
Me: Why's that?
SV: Um, have you seen it? They fucking HALO. It's awesome. I guess you'd have to experience to get it.
Me: And you have?
SV: Pffft. Wouldn't you like to know.
Me: Yeah, I would.
SV: I bet you would.
Me: Well you'd win that bet because I would love to hear about your time in the service. Navy, right?
SV: Yeah.
MS: I thought you said the Army.
SV: No way bro, I'm a squid all the way.
MS: But you told me and Selena Army.
SV: You must have been high or something. *drunk hyena laugh*

I sensed what could happen here. He could try to divert attention on to MS so he wouldn't have to tell me about his service. I had to redirect.

Me: So seriously dude, you've done that?
SV: Uh yeah. I think I said that.
Me: Like operational or just for an exercise?
SV: We parachuted into Baghdad.
Me:...
Me:...
Me:...
Me: You did what now?
SV: When the war started, we had to parachute into Baghdad because that was the only way in.
Me: When was this?
SV: When the war started.
Me: But when?
SV: Like end of 2001, start of 2002.
Me: But you said you were involved in Umm Qasr in 03.
SV: Yeah, and?
Me: But that was the first battle of the war.
SV: Of the official war.
Me:...

Could shit have popped off secretly before the war started? Sure. Was this man involved in it? Hell no.

Is this what Navy bad asses look like? 

He went on to say that they had to parachute into Baghdad because there was no airport. So this place, aptly named Baghdad International airport since 1980, doesn't exist:

Baghdad International Airport is actually just a mirage. Oh, you flew into there? No, you didn't.

I asked him what kind of plane he jumped from. He said, " I PARACHUTED from a B-1. Who says jump? Hahaha." Um, everyone says jump. You go to jump school to learn how to jump. What the fuck? But I almost missed the plane he said he jumped from. Almost. 

Me: You jumped from a B-1?

SV: That's what I said.

Me: That's crazy. 

SV: Yeah.

Me: No that's literally crazy. A B-1 is a bomber. Where did you jump from? The bomb bay?

SV: Whatever. I was Navy. I don't know the planes. 

Me: Neither do I really, but I know you can't jump from a bomber.

SV: I meant M-1.

Me: That's a rifle.

SV: You know what I mean.

Me: No, I don't think I do.

There was a long, awkward silence...from him. Everyone else was stifling their laughs.

SV: What's the plane that they talk about in that chant thing?

Me: Do you mean a C-130?

SV: Yeah, that's the one.

Me: How do you mix that up with a B-1 Bomber or an M-1 carbine?

SV: *calls me something awful in Spanish*

Everyone was rolling at this point. No one tried to hide it. He got called the fuck out and yet, he wasn't done. He started talking about when he and his buddies went on a beer run to a nearby FOD (not FOB or forward operating base, but FOD, foreign object damage) and their convoy got blown up. Listen, I watched all 13 glorious episodes of Over There more times than I can recall and I know that that exact story happened in the same episode Bo gets his leg blown off in. I wish I could have had the smarts to record him telling this story as it was a shot by shot reference to that scene. Cool story bro, but Steven Bochco beat you to it. I held in my laughter and said "Man, I've had to do FOD checks so many times, but I've never seen anyone get blown up doing those."

Gee whiz info for the day: FOD, or foreign object damage, occurs when rocks or debris get on the flight line and damage the planes. When driving a vehicle onto the flight line, you're are supposed to stop before entering, check your tires for rocks, remove them, and then proceed slowly onto the flight line. Or just get out of your vehicle, pretend to look for shit, then get back into your vehicle.

The whole time he's popping off at the mouth, I'm posting his antics on my FB wall. My friend Melissa (we can work on blog names later) was in the Navy and was a great resource for me whilst calling him out. I asked him here he went to Boot and he got that answer right, but then told me he went to BUD/S and graduated on 9/11 ("The first one") and then it was boots to ground right after. Or is it boots to plane to air to ground?

Lunch ended far too soon. I couldn't stop though. Our word for the night became "jump." I streamed Kriss Kross' "Jump" and House of Pain's "Jump Around" on repeat through the PA system for much longer than would have been funny...except it was hilarious because Stolen Valor didn't get it. He...wait for it...actually jumped during the third or fourth playing of "Jump" and said, "Oh I fucking love this song!" Midcity Stoner almost died. We made sure to work the word jump into every conversation we had. "Hey, I need you to jump over to the bike section and get me this." "Make sure you don't jump off that ladder. It's pretty high. Not B1 high, but high." It was endless. The unspoken rule was that you couldn't just use it to use it. Stolen Valor had to be present. And each time, he just didn't understand that we were mocking him. He would just try to offer his opinion as a subject matter expert. 

There was much more to this post the first (and second) time I wrote it, but I will end it here today. Be ready next week for Part 3: The firing squad.

Peaches and Cream

Monday already?! Fuck this noise. I want to go back to sleep! Even Little Bug is testy. She told me not to take her pictures. Que rude, right? Anyway, I have nothing for the must haves today. Want a time warp instead? Of course you do. Let me tell you a tale about a rotten vagina.

Her name was Tiny and she was a frienemy of mine. Younger than me (barely) and single, she and I fake bonded while I was pregnant and my husband was deployed. I had live in the dorms because my First Sgt kept dicking me over on when my married and pregnant self could move out and she lived down the way.

Did I mention this was an AF flashback? Picture everyone in BDUs and it should work better.

Back to it. Tiny was an active slut. Not knocking it, I dabbled in my single days, but she was out to set a world record. This isn't just word around the squadron stuff either. I'm talking from her lips to mine and God's ears. Her mouth lips. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Tiny and I always had an understanding. I would say nothing about her whoring as long as she stayed away from my guy friends. She could have my sloppy seconds, she could go after whomever made her lady parts tingle, just leave my friends alone. For a little while, she did.

Until that fateful night.

Remember my BFF minus the ovaries? Well, we still aren't talking. He has talked to Hubby and claims he knew nothing was wrong. That tells me he is an oblivious idiot or never got my texts or messages. Hmm. Anyway, before his current squeeze, he was on par with Tiny in the slut department. My pregnant belly served as his wing man more times than I am willing to admit, though not as many times as I served as DD. Everyone loves a pregnant girl, no need for a taxi.

He had been warned on several occasions, most of them sober, to stay away from Tiny. Not just because I didn't want to deal with the awkwardness if it didn't work out, but because
skank + man-skank= AIDS. He swore to me that nothing was going to happen. He lied.

One night, I refused to play DD or wing man or babysitter and I went to sleep. He went to the bar. So did Tiny. They came back to his dorm together. They tried to fuck. End of story.

Just kidding! You think I would leave it at that?! I'll tell you his side of the story first, as I heard it first. The next day, he and I met up after work. We usually ate dinner together at Chilli's or grilled outside. I think the plan was for Chilli's. He was such a good pregnancy friend. I never had to cook. Anyway, as I walked into his room, he didn't look well. He looked nauseated and shameful. Keep in mind, I had no idea about what had transpired the previous night, so I was concerned. I told him he didn't look well and asked if he was okay. He said he had to tell me something and that I should sit down.

Him: Something happened last night.
Me: Oh, you drank too much?
Him: Well, yeah, but that's not what I mean.
Me: Dude, what's wrong? You seriously look like someone shot your dog.
Him: I wish.
Me: Spill. Now.
Him: You're gonna be mad. Just know that. And save it until the end. And no judging. Well, until the end.
Me: I might be able to do that. Proceed.
Him: So I went to the bar last night. Had a good time. Hung out with some people. Brought Tiny home. Tried to fuck her. Couldn't do it. Her snatch was rotten. So, how are you today? Any morning sickness.

Read that last one as fast as you can. Now times it by 2 and that's how quickly he tried to get it out. Of course I made him explain. Apparently, she was DTF (down to fuck for those of you not hip to the lingo) and made it clear that he could have it. The more he drank (and the more he struck out with other ladies), the more he became open to the idea. I wasn't too mad. It was bound to happen.

They stumbled back to his dorm room and started foolin' around. She wanted to skip the foreplay and just go for it. So he did. Well he tried. She wasn't wet. Not a even a sprinkle. After a little bit of smashing and smacking, she suggested he warm it up a little. As he isn't a selfish man (his words), he obliged. He moved down to the nether region, opened his mouth, moved closer...and then stopped himself from throwing up.

According to him, it was quite possibly the most noxious smell imaginable. Imagine rotten cabbage, mix in a little sewage, add tuna, and you've got yourself the stink of Tiny's snatch. He gagged some more and promptly got up. He said he thought about lying and saying he was too drunk and was sick, but Texas pride wouldn't allow him to act like a pussy. Unfortunately, that was the only Texas quality he invoked. He told her that he couldn't have sex with her...because her vagina stank. She giggled and tried to play it off, but he repeated this fact and asked her to leave his room. Embarrassed as all get out, she gathered her things and left.

I wanted to smack him, wanted to scold him, wanted to high-five him for calling her out...but mostly, I wanted to be thinking about anything but Tiny's rotten puss. I had to leave. I couldn't eat dinner with him having just heard what I heard. In fact, I didn't eat (and keep anything down) for a few days. I had perma-morning sickness, but in this instance, it was the thought of her poon.

I went upstairs to my room and found Tiny writing a note on my door board. She looked upset (who wouldn't be?) and upon seeing me, she shrieked about how she was so glad to see me and how she needed to talk. And I didn't see this coming, how?!

Her tale started the same. Bar, boozing, propositioning him. At least she didn't try and put the luring on him. Props for that. But then it began to differ. He begged her to let him go down on her because he wasn't hard yet, whiskey dick and all. She normally doesn't like that sort of thing, but he was just so eager that she couldn't tell him no. That would be rude, right? So he goes down there and before he starts, he gets sick and almost throws up because he can't handle his liquor. She tried to see if he was okay, but he got mad at her for his not being able to get hard and then he shouted it out. He said "It's not my fucking fault you have a nasty ass pussy!" Naturally she was taken aback, but he just kept ranting about how her pussy smelled and told her to get the fuck out of his room. She left and wanted to come tell me immediately, but she knew how much I needed my sleep. So considerate, that girl.

I realize that the truth always lies somewhere in between both of these versions, but I've never found Tiny's words to be truthful. From what happened at work that day to her bra size, there was always something false there. And I know him, knew him I guess, and the boy can handle his liquor. And he would never shout at someone like that, he's a happy drunk, not an angry one. Like, ever. I could imagine his version of events in my mind, vividly, but her version seemed like a bad movie.

It took everything not to throw up on her. However, my nausea gave me an out. She excused herself and said she would check on me later, but if I could maybe talk to him...Yeah. Saw that one coming a mile away. I smiled and said that it really wasn't my place to talk to him about it. Shit flipped real quick. Why wouldn't I talk to him? Because I didn't want to. Aren't I supposed to be her best friend? That was news to me. What the fuck was my problem? At the moment, it was the overwhelming desire to puke. Was I just going to let him spread vicious lies about her? He wasn't saying anything. Didn't I know how much shit she could say about him? Um, this just got awkward-er.

I let her storm off and took a coma. It was lovely. Drama free sleepy-time is always great. I didn't even have one stinky vagina dream. Tiny and I, well our friendship never recovered. He never told anyone else about her skeezy snatch, I was only privy to that gem. But boy, did she run her mouth about what happened with him. Different versions to different people, but still a whole lot of shit came out of her mouth.

Later, she would give another friend of mine Gonorrhea. He knew it was her because he hadn't had unprotected sex with anyone else (and for quite sometime). He told her after he went to the doctor and she denied it. She said there was no way he got it from her because she had just gotten the all clear from her doctor. I know this to be a lie because I was at the doctor the same day she got her test results. She cried on my shoulder and begged me not to tell anyone. I didn't, until now. Whoops.

So that's the tale of a stinky vagina. Be repulsed. Be disgusted. As long as you were entertained, I'll be happy.

Should've Said No

I am perfectly aware that the title of this blog is a Taylor Swift song. I don't hate all of her music, I just think she's a crazy person.

Moving on. Today is a true Must Have Monday (finally)! Let's get to it, shall we?

I finally have convinced my Little Bug that she doesn't have to be a vampire for Halloween. She had this whole bit about how Halloween is supposed to be "scary Halloween" and since Hubby is going to be Michael Meyers, she had to be something scary. I wanted to kill HIM because I just want one more year of pretty princesses. We had a family chat (after weeks of her telling me she wants to be a princess and him a vampire) about it and she said "Halloween doesn't have to just be scary. I want to be Merida!" YES! I win! Um, I mean, it wasn't a competition....but I win! So here's the costume in all of it's awesomeness!

The whole set can be found HERE! Although, I would hate to think you copied my kid...lol 

 Little Bug also got a new bed...or is getting one. Her toddler bed was pretty kewl (say it like Cartman, just do it) and it matched all the other Tinkerbell shiz in her room. But she decided that jumping on the toddler bed was way better than sleeping on it. It died. Her room is too small for a double, at least if we want her to have play room, so I found this twin bed (on sale!) at Walmart.com:

It matches her dresser and got great reviews. <3 it!

This also means she needs a new bedding set. Found that too!

Target has this Circo Love n Nature Quilt set for only $69 and it totally matches the Pinterest crafts I made for her wall!

Oh wow, this got a little Little Bug centered. On to some shit you might really buy. I broke down and bought a Keurig. My life is forever changed. 

This is the B70 Platinum Brewing System. Mine came with 60 k-cups and a reusable one at Costco for just $149. You can also find it on Amazon for $159 in case Costco is out-of-stock.

Here are some of my fave K-cups:

Coconut Mocha with a little milk and sugar over ice is DEVINE!

Last one for the day, I can only "shop" so much before I have to pick Little Bug up from school. Besides, I get enough boxes from online stuff, I keep this up and it'll be every damn day! And this one is super cheap...

Abby over at My Yellow Sandbox featured this tip from Melissa at Lulu & Sweet Pea {a day in the life} and I am fairly positive my life has been changed. I will probably do a before and after post about it. 

All you do is mix 3 parts water and 1 part Apple Cider Vinegar, put it on a cotton round, and wipe your face. It's replaced my toner and my skin is feeling great and my redness and zits have started to go away and it's only been 2 days!

Okay peeps, I've got a BMT (Basic Military Training) Time warp for you tomorrow at the request of my Baby Sis. I've started it, but it is taking me FOREVER. Do you know how much hilarious shit goes down in six weeks with that many chicks? A. LOT. I told her I would do it though and that was almost two weeks ago...perhaps I should've said no...see, I did work it in there.

The Sound of Silence

Today is Labor Day, so to all of you working American citizens (and ones who may not be working, but have before) Happy Labor Day. Enjoy the time off (if you get it) or the holiday pay you receive.

For those of you military members and their wives who have the ass-galling nerve to clog up my FB news feed with bitches, gripes, and complaints about how the military are not appreciated enough on Labor Day, I say suck a dick. Too harsh? Let me elaborate.

I am a veteran. My husband is a veteran. My father is a veteran, as are some of my cousins and uncles. My baby sis is still serving and some of my dear friends are as well. Do I thank them (or myself) every single day for their service? No, because they don't (and we didn't) do it for the recognition. We did it because it was a full-time job, we would get college paid for, we needed health-care, and yes, because we love our country, but let's not make this more than it is. We joined a volunteer military (except my Pops) and though we had to sacrifice time with our loved ones, we got paid to do it. Sure, military pay isn't the best, but what other job pays for your health care, house, utilities, dependents and even your food? Add all of that up and it's much more than a civilian gets.

I digress. There is a day to honor the veterans of the American Armed Forces. It's called Veteran's Day. You get a free meal at practically every restaurant in town, people shake your hand and tell you thank you, and random acquaintances tell you on FB how proud they are of you. I can't stand it, personally. I know people want to seem like they appreciate the military but it feels so flat and forced. I didn't join for free shit and praise. The only time I do not cringe when someone says "Thank you for your service" is when it comes from older vets. I'm talking 'Nam and prior to that. I do my best not to cry as I return the thank you.

It seems that my generation of vets forgets that Veteran's Day exists. Every holiday, my news feed is now littered with some fly boy or squid or jar head (rarely though) or grunt bitching about how they aren't appreciated on Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, etc. I had ONE Thanksgiving off my entire enlistment, ONE Christmas, NO Easters...I stood on a gate and politely smiled as people said "Oh, you gotta work on Christmas? That sucks." You know what would suck more? Not having a job to provide for my family.

What really infuriates me are these members and their wives bitching about Memorial Day. It isn't about them and it certainly isn't right to say "Happy Memorial Day." What are we supposed to be happy about? It's a day to recognize and honor the men and women who have given their life for this country. It isn't just a four-day weekend and a boozy BBQ. No one should "honor" your husband on Memorial Day....he's still fucking breathing!

But today is Labor Day. A holiday that honors and recognizes the contributions the ENTIRE American workforce has made to the country, not just those who wear camo. All you are doing is causing the American people to detest the military even more. You sound like spoiled, entitled brats. You don't think you get enough recognition? Then don't re-enlist because that is NEVER going to change. All the bumper-stickers and window clings in the world aren't going to change that. You voluntarily signed up for a job that may or may not put you in harms way. So did cops, firefighters, construction workers, ice road truckers, commercial fisherman, and miners but they don't claim every holiday as their own.

You can argue that you're willing to lay down your life for this country and that deserves more respect and that may be true. But anyone who works is keeping the American economy going and in these uncertain financial times, THAT deserves respect too. They don't have the security of the US Government, they don't have the health care and the guaranteed place to live. They go to work every day and work their asses off (just like you) and provide for their families. They deserve recognition just like you, the difference is is that they don't demand it.

Grow the fuck up. For those of you vets who DON'T behave that way, thank you for your service, your work ethic, and your attitude. I appreciate it.

Forever Young

Little bug started school today. It's only Pre-K and 3 hours-a-day, but it's at the elementary school. She loved it and I didn't cry one bit. It was a nice break.

So no must have's today (I know, again!). You're treated to pics of my lovely on her first day of school.

She seemed a bit nervous @ breakfast.

About to leave, her smile finally popped out!

Waiting to go in...

She looks a bit terrified on the left, but soon was her hammy self again!

They have to line up before they can be released.

My Little Bug did wonderful!

And now, Little Bug would like to tell all of you how her day was:

I. Love. My. Friends. Julianna is my best friend and she is really nice. She has blue bows and brown hair. They love me too. School is fun because I get to learn math and teach the kids. Rainbows are really pretty but I didn't see one today. My friends love flowers. Flowers are okay, but rainbows are really prettier.

I had fun today and I didn't cry. The one boy with the necklace, he cried all day. I cried this morning because Momma woked up me so early. That's not nice.

I was being good and I listened to the rules from my teacher. I don't remember number one, but number 2 is to raise your hand if you want to talk. Oh, number 1 is be nice. Or be quiet. I did that. My teacher says I am a good helper and I told her because I practice.

Momma came and got me like she said. She didn't leave me. That's why I didn't cry. She comes back for me. Maybe the kids that cried don't have mommas that come back. The one boy with the necklace did but he still cried.

Momma took me to Hobby Lobby after school. She's gonna make me hair bows for Friday in 1000 months. I get to wear my school shirt. It's blue and white and has a coyote that says "Awwwooooooo!" But I'm not a coyote, I'm just pretending.

I get to watch Yo Gabba Gabba now so goodbye and see you later. Don't smell my feet because Momma said that's gross.

There you have it folks, straight from Little Bug. See you tomorrow!

Would You Believe It?

Today, I have the honor of featuring another guest blogger! I am super excited. My friend Alison, whom I met through a mommy group, has been through a lot in the past year. She has been so candid and honest about her experience that I asked her if she could write about it as a guest blogger. Not only is she a wonderful mother, but she is also an incredible example of perseverance and faith.

Not only is she sharing a bit about her music, she's sharing her faith (Judaism) and how it helped her through the terrible loss of her sister. I hope you all enjoy.

In late May 2011, on a women's spiritual retreat I was encouraged to sing my song, “Adonai Tzuri V’Goali” As the music flowed, the group began to sing along and get excited. One of my fellow musicians, Robbi Sherwin, from the group Sababa, was recording it on her iPhone. After we were done, she sent it to Scott Leader (also from Sababa), whose response was "Who sang that and why isn't it recorded yet?"

Scott, Robbi, Larry Bach (head rabbi and incredible musician at Temple Mount Sinai) and I recorded my “baby” over the next two weeks and entered it in the New Voices young songwriter competition sponsored by NewCAJE. Imagine my surprise when an email arrived saying “YOU WON!”

Not only had it won but it was now included on a CD with nine other new up-and-coming talents. The email also included an invitation to perform in-person at the NewCAJE conference in North Carolina in August, 2011.

At the conference, after a performance of a new art form made up of live music and improvisational story-telling, the six performers decided to jump into unknown waters and we founded an artists' collective called NuRootz. I discovered my inner musician and began writing more songs on the plane home from the conference; enough for an album!

With new-found confidence and excitement, I began planning an album and a brand-new career. That's when tragedy struck my family. My sister, Lauren, committed suicide.

Lauren struggled with mental illness for years but I didn't know how difficult her struggle was. Laying there in the hospital, on life support, my parents and I struggled to sing Debbie Friedman’s "Mi Shebeirach." I sang her my song - the one that seemed to wake everyone up at the conference - praying that it would do the same for Lauren.

It wasn’t to be. After five days, we learned that she would never wake again and we decided to let her rest. She’s buried in Rhode Island among our family she loved so much.

Ever since then, as I've been putting the pieces of my life back together, I have found that music is helping me heal in so many ways. Healing starts when I write it down. It continues as I sing it to someone, and the greatest gift is when even one person says, "Your words helped me heal, too."

For a year, I’ve been fumbling through the grief and pain and sadness that her loss shook loose.  I’ve been following the traditional Jewish path of mourning, a week of shiva followed by a month of saying the Mourner’s prayer, followed by a year of less-intense mourning.  After 11 months, my sister’s tombstone was unveiled (in early August 2012) and on September 8, I’ll observe the first yarhzeit, or yearly commemoration of her death.  This involves lighting a special candle that will burn for 24 hours in her memory and going to synagogue to say the Mourner’s prayer.  After that, I’m only obligated to say the prayer at designated times throughout the year, on festivals and yearly on her yahrzeit for the rest of my life.

What I find most troubling are all the questions left behind for those of us still alive – why?  Couldn’t we have done more?  Hadn’t we done enough?  Why wasn’t I a better sister?  More intuitive?  But those are questions that lead down a dark path, and I’ve decided to leave them alone for a while.  Maybe I’ll be strong enough to face them someday, but that day isn’t today.

So now I have a CD.  The music I recorded has so much of my sister’s life embedded within, so much of her spirit and warmth, I had to name the album for her.  She is our Dragonfly – in Hebrew, Shapirit.  Every time I see one, it brings me peace.  I hope my music can bring you peace as well.

Love,

Alison

57 Channels (And Nothin' On)

The Olympics are finally over and though I am going to miss my daily cheering for the good ol' USA, I am also super pumped. Why you ask? Because fall TV is set to start back up! My Hulu queue will be overflowing in now time (because I never watch anything live). So today's Must Have is dedicated to my fall TV line-up. I'll keep it strictly network this week.

Monday

The Voice is on NBC from 8-10 pm. Returns: September 10

I'm not really a big fan of reality/game shows, but there is something about watching Xtina act like a huge cunt on national television that makes me tune in.

Gossip Girl is on the CW at 9 pm. Returns: October 8

Honestly, this is one of those shows that I watch when nothing else appears in my Hulu queue and I have some time to kill. However, this will be the first year I actually tune in for the season premiere. I mean come on, I have see how Chuck's bet turns out!

Tuesday

NCIS is on CBS at 8 pm. Returns: September 25

Now that Glee has moved nights (more on that later), I can finally watch NCIS. Those reruns on USA have gotten me hooked. And Gibbs is hot.

Go On is at 9 pm on NBC. Starts: September 11

You can read my mini-review here, or you can avoid giving me more page views and just take my word for it...now.

The New Normal is at 9:30 pm on NBC. Starts: September 11

All I have seen is the few (and very funny) Olympic tie-in promos for this show but I am willing to give it a try. I could do without the sociopath NeNe Leaks, but for now, she isn't a deterrent.

Parenthood is also on NBC and rounds out the night at 10 pm. Returns: September 11

I am so happy this show did not get cancelled. It's one of my faves and I hope it gets a full season.

Wednesday

Law & Order: SVU is at 10 pm on NBC. Returns: September 26

SVU has the distinct honor of being my only Wednesday show. The show is still amazing after 13 or 14 years and the cliffhanger has me nervously awaiting the premiere!

Thursday

30 Rock, Up All Night, and The Office are at 8, 8:30, and 9 om respectively on NBC.

30 Rock returns October 4, Up All Night & The Office return September 20

I'm in class on Thursday, so all of my Thursday shows get watched during the weekend via Hulu. These three are not to be missed and bring the funny every episode.

Grey's Anatomy is at 9 pm on ABC. Returns: September 27

In what was probably the best friggin' cliffhanger in the shows history, the killed Lexie. Yeah, she;s dead. And they haven't been rescued from the plane crash yet. I can't even imagine how f'ed my nails are going to be when it starts back up!

Glee is now at 9 pm on Thursday on Fox. Returns: August 23

I want to say "Fuck you Ryan Murphy! How dare you break up Rachel and Finn!" I may have actually said it, but alas, I am now looking forward to what they're gonna do this season. 

Friday

Whitney survived last years cuts and is now on Friday at 8 pm on NBC. Returns: October 19

I really only watch for Chris D'Elia, he's all sorts of funny and yummy. I guess Whitney Cummings is pretty funny too, but really, I watch for the man.

Fringe starts it's final season at 9 pm on Fox. Returns: September 28

I'm really sad that this will be Fringe's final season because it filled my X-Files void. I know it'll be amazing and Joshua Jackson got much hotter after Dawson's Creek.

Saturday

Sunday

Once Upon A Time starts at 8 pm on ABC. Returns: September 30

I. Love. This. Show. Rumpestiltskin is my favorite character. He's evil with a British accent. Don't act like my love for the bad guy surprises you.

Revenge airs at 9 pm on ABC. Returns: September 30

One of the best (and most interesting) new shows last season got me totally hooked. This season, they nabbed Jennifer Jason Leigh to play Emily's mom. It's going to be totes fantastic.

So there you have it, my network TV picks for the fall. What will you be watching this fall?

No Phone

Lately, I have been hating my iPhone 4 with a passion. Set aside that I don't have Siri to boss around and I am still left with a phone that has unexplained glitches for days at a time. I went to the Apple store to have them explained and all I got was some bullshit about how if 2 or more errors happen at the same time yada yada yada. All I know is that every time a new iPhone is about to be released, my old one gets a little wonky. Steve Jobs is flippin' some mass kill switch from the grave that forces us (or mostly me) to upgrade. September cannot come soon enough.

To top off my iPhone woes, Hubby's iPhone's power switch was jammed and he had to take it into Best Buy for a replacement. We have Black Tie Coverage and all he has to do is take his phone in and they give him a new one, but it takes 2-3 business days as they ship them in. Until then (hopefully Wednesday), he is stuck with this antique Samsung that's quite hilarious. Actually, it's somewhat new and modern, but light years behind the almighty Apple wunderkind. 

His lack of awesome apps to assist him with, well, everything, has made me cherish my POS 4 a bit more. It's stopped it's ridiculous reboot cycle and though I will be the first in line when the 5 is released in September, I thought I would take the opportunity this Monday to show you my Must Have Apps.

In no particular order, these are my top 10/most used apps that I cannot live with out (or just don't want to).

Spotify

Totally awesome music app. For only $7.99 a month, I get all the frigging music I want and it's available offline (who ever goes offline?). It has radio, play lists and you can share shit with your friends. I swear by it. If the price seems to steep, I reasoned it with myself this way: I spent way more than that each month on iTunes.

Google

Hubby prefers to Google everything via Safari, but I loves me my google app. It has everything in one. It even keeps me logged into my Gmail and remembers shit I've searched for. Anything I use google for is accessible here. From Blogger to translate to my calenders. Saves me from having to download all the separate apps.

TWC Max

The Weather Channel Max is the best weather app out there. It gives detailed weather info and an hour-by-hour breakdown. Don't settle for the weather app that comes with the phone. Get this one!

Instagram

I had Instagram before it was available on Android and way before it was cool. Okay, I'm done being a hipster. Instagram is by far the coolest filter/social media app. Just trust me and get it, because I am not putting up screen shots of all it's cool features because then I would be showing you pics of my friends and I don't have their permission. You get a shot of my kindle. Deal with it.

Pinterest

Pinterest is a virtual pin board where everything amazing in the world comes together. It's also mobile and prevents me from getting much done.

Drop 7

This is my favorite busy game. It's pretty entertaining once you get the hang of it and is my go to "try to exhaust my brain" app when I can't sleep. I'd explain the way it works but that takes to much time and effort.

Brave Temple Run

Who plays Temple Run? I did...until I found the Disney Brave version! It has everything the original has but with targets you have to shoot arrows at! Stop bragging about your plain old Temple Run high score and get on my bad ass level.

TMZ

I have real news apps, but TMZ is my celebrity news app. And they're always right and have the best sources. For those of you who like that sort of thing, this is the app to get.

Netflix

Netflix mobile is actually easier to use than the website. And as you can see, I am seriously reliving my teenage years with some melodramatic Dawson's Creek. Joey is still a whiny bitch, Dawson is still a pussy, Jen is still the coolest chick ever and Pacey, well, I'd still hit that.

Fandango 
Never wait in line at the movies again. Seriously, for a small convenience fee per purchase, you can buy your tickets online and print them out at the kiosk at the theater. There is NEVER a line at our theater kiosk, probably because Sun Citians aren't that bright.

Pimp Your Screen
Last but not least (and also a bonus #11) is Pimp Your Screen. It allows you to customize your home screen and lock screen and add all sorts of cute/cool features. Here is my page 2 so you can see the folder outlines.

What apps are my fellow iPhoner's rockin'? I'd love to add to my daily faves. Let me know in the comments!