You Kill Me

I'm about to lose some friends, but that's okay. You don't have to like what I am about to say for it to be true.

Black culture is responsible for the murder of Christopher Lane. Had their mommas and daddies been present, they wouldn't be involved in trying to live a gang banger lifestyle. Had they not been trying to emulate the images they see from the black entertainment world, they wouldn't have thought killing someone would give them some street cred. Had they been involved in productive activities this summer, they wouldn't have been bored and killed a white man in cold blood.


Yes, those boys are responsible for their own actions. I say fry 'em. And while you do it, make sure their heroes, who I assume are raps elite, have to sit their and watch what they inspired. One of them calls himself "Baby Drake" on his FB page. And a "Black Power" pic on there. Who's to say it isn't racial now? If we can accuse Zimmerman with no evidence, we can nail this asshole with that pic, right?


It isn't a race issue you say? Maybe not, but if it was a black man shot by three white kids, y'all would be on the Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton race baiting train. Are you pissed? Good, because I sure as hell am. This is what a culture that promotes hatred, violence, crime, misogyny, etc. causes. This is what happens when you don't hold yourself to a higher standard. This is what you have allowed to happen after people fought so hard for your equality. Be fucking pissed and be very ashamed.

If you live under a rock and have not heard about how three black teenagers murdered a white, Australian baseball player in Oklahoma because they were bored, you can read about it here. Or here. Or here.

And if you aren't angry, if you aren't disgusted, if you can't feel the same sadness and rage you felt for Trayvon Martin, you can go fuck yourself you racist piece of shit. Yep, you are a racist. No apologies today or from here on out. Same standard for all.

Reunited

Fat Bottom Girl has moved. No, not domains or whatever, but actually packed up and moved. I and my brood are no longer residents of Sun City, Texas. We now reside in Kitty Kat, Texas. No, of course that isn't the real name of it, but it IS shockingly close.

Kitty Kat is located in the heart of the Texas panhandle in a county that will remind you of a one season TV show on Fox that starred THE Bruce Campbell. I'll wait while you Google it. Got it? Great. There are about 1100 residents of the county and 250 of them are in Kitty Kat. The ones I have met and had actual conversations with are lovely. They think my husband hangs the moon every night and that my daughter is a beautiful blessing. They even think it is so wonderful that I am an educated, lovely mother and wife and tell me how I am going to be such a positive role model for the girls in this community.

We went on down to the Baptist church last night for the last night of Vacation Bible School. See, hubby has been up here for a few months now, working as a deputy sheriff. He was wrangled into going to church almost as soon as he got here....despite being a non-religious Jew. Oh well. They kept him busy and fed him, and I am glad to have been dropped into such a loving group of people.

Little Bug loved it. Lots of kids her age and lots of playing.

She even got to perform in the VBS program. She managed to get most of the dance moves right and the words. I'd post the video, but Blogger hates me today.

Afterwards, there was a hot dog dinner for all the kids and the church congregation. Got to chat with a lot of great folks. We went back home afterward and Little Bug ran around the yard with her daddy, some neighbor kids, and her daddy's friend Jake until the sun went down.

Now Jake lives around the corner, while his parents and sister live across the street. We spent most of the night over at their house just talking and whatnot. Great people. They love my husband like a son and were great to me and Little Bug. I adore these people, I mean that.

HOWEVER....not everyone in Kitty Kat is as welcoming and friendly. It was overheard at the local gas station that some of the local ladies are not my biggest fans. In fact, my arrival is the talk of all the bison. No, not the bison running wild in the state park. I'm talking about the lard-ass, single bitches in town with two plus children by different daddies (and maybe one from their own), no education, and pooling their food stamps to sell for cigarette money. The herd thinks that my husband is way too good looking for me. As hot as he is, they expected I was gonna be a gosh dern super model. Instead, I'm just some ugly bitch.

Now, I know that everyone expects me to drive on down to the herds stomping grounds and let them have it, and trust me, I WAS tempted. Even had a speech:

Hi, I'm Fat Bottomed Girl, Deputy Hubby's wife. You know, the one who isn't hot enough for him. I just thought I'd come on down and introduce myself so you could say it to my face instead of behind my back.

Even thought of bringing them some of my delicious homemade cookies and adding "Have these cookies since y'all are so hungry for drama." But they aren't worth it. You see, while I certainly have some poundage to lose, I'm not 300 plus pounds of destitute scum. I've got a husband who loves me and our daughter, would do anything for us, and doesn't steal my belongings to buy meth. 

I know everyone dies famous in a small town, but I haven't even been here five days yet! Oh well, I guess that's what happens when all you have to do is lust after another woman's husband and eat. As their asses and debt increase, mine will be getting smaller and my bank account larger. Think I still might stop in an introduce myself. Might as well give them something to fear...right?

I Got Stoned and I Missed It

I had so many things I could have blogged about today. For starters, all the hoochie mamas at Little Bug's school today for the volunteer meeting. If I ever get so desperate that I find myself wanting to fit in with these women, I now know I just need to hit up Forever 21 and buy a 2 sizes too small tube top. I also had some DNC related quips, some local politics commentary, even a lovely review of the Oogie Love movie (based on the previews). But I have something I think you'll find more interesting.

My new teammate. My online film class is entering it's 4th week and Team E was hit with a shocker. Someone was going to be added to our three-man/woman wrecking crew. Remember Patrick? Of course you do. No, he isn't my new team member. But his female equivalent is. Her name is...wait for it...Patricia and she is just as stupid and rude as him. Here's the breakdown of BEFORE she was in our group.

It started last week really. She commented on my post (the same one that Patrick had) and said she agreed with me and then posted again and said that the movies were awful and needed a better storyline. Then this:

Hello mr. Ryan and class. I watched both Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and I feel like the both fall into one existing genre. My reason why is because the two seems to be low budget films just to make money. For example, Woody Harrelson when have he starred in any good movie lately? And his supporting cast are bunch of no names. Shaun of the Dead is casted in the same mold as zombieland, both are low budget films that find themselves in the comedy and horror area of filmmaking. I see the genre as the same movie with different plots.


So of course I replied: (my responses will be in purple for the rest of the post)

Emma Stone, Jesse Eisenberg, Bill Murray, and Abigail Breslin are hardly "no-names". Jesse Eisenberg was nominated for an Oscar for The Social Network, as was Abigail Breslin for Little Miss Sunshine. Emma Stone was in The Help which got a ton of buzz and Bill Murray...well, he's a legend. Woody Harrelson was just in The Hunger Games with Jennifer Lawrence (another Oscar nominee), Friends With Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis and The Messenger with Ben Foster (which I strongly recommend). 

That was followed with these three posts, back-to-back, as if she only meant to post one but couldn't decide which and posted all three. 


Hi Tiffany, I too find the Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead as horror and a comedy. I personally do not like neither of them because they are just dumb. But as the slogan goes "that's hollywood".

Didn't you just say they only fall into one genre?

Hi Tiffany I would equate a movie where the good guy son is held captive and the good guy only have until 12 noon to come up with the ransom money or his son will die. The clock is ticking and the good guy have to come up with the ransom money that he have in the bank. I would put this movie in the category of a horror movie. Would you? Remember the clock is ticking!!

But that typically isn't a horror movie. That would be suspense, action, thriller, even drama but not horror. Ransom with Mel Gibson is that premise and it isn't a horror movie. Look up the genre descriptions and I think you'll change your view on a whole lot of films. 

Hi Tiffany, the two films that you mentioned could use a better story line. These films too me are just simple surposed to be horror movies. To the producers to these two film, you could do better. Tiffany, next time discuss better movies.

I'm confused. The post before this one you said that the films are horror/comedy but now you're calling them just horror. I didn't mention the films, Mr. Ryan did and now we are all commenting on them. I respect your opinion on the films, but I'm just finding it hard to follow.

I think the movies are meant to be funny, like a parody of the genre. Much like the Scary Movie franchise. Maybe try watching them as a comedy. It might change your mind as to what they are supposed to be. Either way, I enjoyed them both and own them both. I'll be watching them again soon, as October is officially monster movie month...horror or comedy.

Keep in mind, my responses came much later and long after hers were posted rapid fire like. This wasn't a back and forth conversation by any means. She never replied to me. But she did comment on one of my teammate Mike's post about the movie It. She said she saw it in the theaters when she was a very young girl and it scared her so bad. Keep in mind, she is in her 40's. It came out in 1990 and was a TV mini-series originally shown on ABC. She says she is 42 right now, that means she was 20 when it came out. Not a "very young girl." I replied that I was not aware that It was ever in movie theaters. I also said that I was 6 when it came out and watched it on ABC before my parents caught me and turned it off. I then added that the version I had seen with Tim Curry must be a remake of whatever one she had seen in theaters, though there was no listing on IMDB.com for it, because the only version I know of came out when she was 20. No reply from her, but my Mike posted this photo as his reply:

He was asked to take it down by Steve, but the 3-5 minutes it was up made me giggle.

So then on Monday, Steve adds her to our team. He said he was aware this was unusual but if we could make her feel welcome, he would appreciate it. This was Mike's welcome to her:

Sorry about the pwn-age. You did get pwned though. Welcome to our group. Just do your part and spell things correctly and we will all get along.

Classy guy, that Mike. I think if we had a real life class, I would recruit him to my team. Anyway, I posted the three movies we would be using for our presentation. Mike chose last week and Gerald (the other guy) told me to choose because any movie he would pick "will probably suck." I picked Young Guns, Sixteen Candles, and Super-size Me from the list. A Western, a romance, and a documentary because, well, the assignment calls for a Western, a romance, and a documentary. Each member fills out a matrix that asks about each genre, turns them into me by Saturday morning, and then I turn in the presentation by Monday night. THIS WAS ALL EXPLAINED. Besides, she had been in another group and they had to do the same thing last week for a horror movie and a comedy...she would get it.

Nope. Didn't get it.

Hello, my name is Patricia Wilson I have been added to this team, I like the suggestion  I like the  selected choices please tell what you want me to do.

I just did. But I exercised patience and said:

Complete the matrix for each movie and submit it to the team forum by Saturday.

Still didn't take:

Hello, Ok I am not understunding clearly are these the movies that are selected and I need to locate the matrix for each movie can you explain what you are suggesting so I can complete it please.

Followed immediately with my response:

These are the movies: Young Guns, Sixteen Candles, and Super-size Me.

The matrix for each are located under the "Week 4 Materials" tab. Fill out the Western matrix for the Western, the romance matrix for the romance, and the documentary matrix for the documentary. Just like you should have done last week for the comedy and horror movies your last team picked.

Have them completed and turned in by Saturday (morning preferred) and I will compile the answers for the team power point.

We all understand the assignment by now right? Not Patricia!

Hello, I found the matrix now are these the movies that are selected if so I can fill that out for three movie am I correct?

I had to stop replying. I still don't actually know if she understands. But I did realize I can look in the Team C forum (her old group) and I checked out the communication between her and her old team. She appointed herself team leader, wrote a charter without asking for anyone's schedule, insisted all work be turned in no later than when she leaves work on Thursday, and then when the other's said that they would turn it in on Sunday (it's due Monday 11:59 pm), she submitted an assignment on Friday without anyone elses name on it and told Mr. Ryan they all refused to help. Then, when the other's called her ass out (it was hilarious) she called them all "slackers and low-lifes." 

Hopefully Patrick Patricia turns her shit in on time. I would hate to omit her from the assignment...though, if I do, you can bet I am going to let her old team know!

Class tonight and it's the final one with Baloo! YAY!

My Best Days Are Ahead Of Me

Anyone watching the RNC? Fat Bottom Girl sure has. About every other speaker has brought tears to my eyes as they recount their stories of hard work and struggle, how they or there parents built there businesses from the ground up (They DID build that!), and how Romney and Ryan are the two men who can and will lead this country back to greatness.

After the recent attacks on me and my blog by PolitiJim, the uninformed jackass wannabe pundent, I was determined to make it very clear what my political beliefs for. You know, so he couldn't confuse me with a Tea Party infiltrating Occupy Wall Streeter or a Catholic Santorum supporter. I know you can't change right-wing nut jobs and liberal psychopaths, but you can reach those in the center, which is close to where I stand.

I don't go to church on Sunday and I didn't bow my head or say Amen when the closing prayer was said. I know the GOP is often referred to as the party of God and guns, and I do subscribe to the gun side, but you don't have to love Jesus to be a Republican.

I believe that gay people should have the same rights as every other American. You probably won't hear that at the convention. You will hear a lot about how GOPers value traditional marriage. What's wrong with that? Aren't they entitled to their beliefs? Disagreement doesn't mean hate. In fact, those same bible toting elephants are taught to love everyone. Yes, bigots and hateful people claim to be members of the party, but they exist in the liberal world as well and they make up a very small percentage. I look forward to the day that the religious right and the moral majority's grip is loosened on the party. Have you ever heard of the Log Cabin Republicans?

Oh, we're racist too, right? That's what I've heard. We don't like minorities and want to keep them in the gutter where they belong. Yeah right. Tell that to Gov. Susanna Martinez of New Mexico, Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana, Gov. Nikki Haley of North Carolina, Congressional candidate Barbara Carrasco, Rep. Allen West of Florida, Fmr. Sec. of State Condolezza Rice, Gov. Luis Fortuna of Puerto Rico...need I go on? Minorities are Republicans too. Stop believing the Liberal propaganda that we're all racist rednecks.

I think I've strayed from my point. In the past three days, I have seen post after post about how evil and hypocritical we Republicans are. How our women are all sluts. How the hair and makeup touch-up booth for the ladies of the GOP sets the women's lib movement back. And how they wish Hurricane Isaac would have destroyed every last one of them. Does this sound like the tolerant Left? Are these same people who are accusing the Right of waging a war against women calling GOP women sluts? No, that would be as hypocritical as all these religious nut jobs, right?

I have watched speaker after speaker highlight the things that make America great, and all of these things, Obama is against. Try and deny it. I'll go talking point for talking point with you, except mine aren't going to be filled with campaign rhetoric, they'll be filled with fact.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Fat Bottomed Girl reading nation (too lame? I'll work on it), I endorse Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan (who is kinda hot, no?) for the offices of President and Vice President of the United States of America. WE built this country and they know that and have the ability and determination to turn this country around. I'll go back to my regular not-charming and witty self tomorrow.

Before He Cheats

I wasn't going to blog today. I went and saw 2016: Obama's America (it was good!) and then had Little Bug's Meet the Teacher thing for Pre-K. I was perfectly content on coming home, feeding the kid, maybe drinking some wine, and then taking a coma. But as the fates would have it, I logged on to FB to find something that cannot go un-blogged about.

Let me start by giving you some back story. I've known one of the subjects of this blog for well over 15 years. My family went to church with him and his family, he may or may not have dated my sister for a spell, I think I made out with his cousin once in a parked car...you know, church kids gone wild. Whatever. The guy hasn't crossed my mind in years.

I got a friend request from him a few months back and after asking someone else who the heck he was, I said, "Sure, let's take a walk down memory lane." I approved the request and then looked around on his page, nothing remarkable. I thought that the obligatory "Hey! How the heck are you?" would soon come, but it didn't. He sent the request, not me, so I wasn't going to say anything. Until today, I had yet to "Like" or comment on anything of his. The appropriate amount of time to do so had passed.

I never see his posts in my news feed. Like, ever. But today, at the top of my feed, was this gem:

And OF COURSE I "Liked" that shit. How do you not click "Like" when you see that a jilted ex-gf has hijacked his account?! Once I managed to read through the grammatically challenged diatribe, I LOL'd real world for a while. I was Skyping with my older sister at the time and even she had a laugh. She informed me that church should be pretty interesting come Sunday and that she was not responsible for anything she KNEW I would be adding to it. She knows me so well.

From what I remember about James, everything she claims he has done sounds legit. I'm a little disconcerted because he still lives in his childhood bedroom and I would hate to think he was bangin' skanks with his parents in the other room. Not classy bro. But this is me, and I have to comment. I thought that she was only a one-time poster, but after I told her to enroll in an English class, Jilty McPsycho Ex accused me of having cheated on James. 

After I swallowed my vomit, I had to defend my honor. I informed her that I had never been anything with James and that even though Lindsey had relations with him, didn't mean everyone else did. I don't even know this Lindsey gal. I looked at her profile since her last name was provided to everyone and admittedly, she looks like a skank. I may have been infected with herpes just looking at her picture. And the praying thing and saying hi to his momma, that was for laughs. It isn't my fault inbred folk don't get it.

Nicole, who is one of my oldest and dearest friends, commented as well (as you can see). We carried on a separate conversation on her page about this conversation. Totes hilarious.

Now some more...

I could have just accepted her apology and let it ride, but through my tears of extreme laughter, I had to continue. But this Lacey comes out of nowhere and decides that anyone else commenting on this needs to grow up and sounds like trash.

I don't know what it is about the people that lurk around the slums of my hometown, but they bring this fight out in me that can't be reigned in too easily. What's worse is that all the sarcasm and sick burns of the world are lost in their tiny little brains. I mean, you, my loyal readers, can read these posts and giggle right? Those of you who know these people and read my blog, you're gasping for breath from laughing so hard...I know it. Why can't this broad see the humor in it?

And really, accusing me of being high is the best comeback she's got? Honey, have you seen me scratching my neck outside of your cook house looking to score? No? Then I'm not high.

All of this could have been avoided (thankfully it was not) if Jilty McPsycho Ex had just followed some simple rules that I will now present to you.

The Rules for Getting Revenge on Your Cheating BF:

1. Correct spelling and grammar are an absolute must. 
We want to take you seriously, we do. The run-on sentences and liberties you've taken with spelling make that impossible.

2. Keep it short and not so sweet.
This gal has the right idea:                                                         

As does this one:

And if you must go the hacking of the FB page route:

3. This is by far the most important rule. Pay attention. GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND FORGET ABOUT HIS CHEATING ASS!

Seriously, he cheated on you. Why lower yourself to his level by pulling this shit? Carrie Underwood led all of you jilted bitches astray when she described the damage she did to some schmuck's truck. He fucks another woman so you end up in jail? Because that's what happens when you bash in windows and slash tires. You go to jail because you will get caught. Especially when you hack his FB and Twitter to tell everyone how he wronged you. It's called motive, you has it.

What I wouldn't give for the women of the world (and skanks of Lodi) to stop thinking they can change a man. Your pussy wasn't so magical that he immediately stopped his cheating ways. If he got with you while he was with his ex, that should have been a sign. Also, just a thought, but if he doesn't ever check his FB, wasn't it all kind of pointless? 

See you all Monday.

Ain't She Sweet

For those of you who don't know, I set up a GMail address specifically for my blog (fatbgirl@gmail.com) and linked it to the mail icon over there --------------------------->.

Feel free to email me any bitches, gripes, complaints, or suggestions you may have. It's easier than leaving a comment as you do not need a blogger account. I've been compiling some reader feedback for a Fan Mail blog. Most are from people telling me they were searching for porn and came across my blog and that they think I'm funny, even without the ass photos. A few were from hardcore Bangs fans. Some even tell me how much I suck through bad spelling and grammar. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts about anything you want to share with me.

Moving on.

I would like to have a contest. But not just any contest. I want to host a photo scavenger hunt. I've seen some super cute ones on other blogs, but this one will be Fat Bottomed Girl approved.

A girlfriend of mine and I used to do something similar. We had a list of things that you had to see in real life, take a photo of, and send it to the other. The other night at a friend's birthday dinner, I was reminded of this list when I spotted the one thing I was never able to find. Sitting a few tables away from us was a woman with a butterfly tattoo on her shoulder. The front of her shoulder. I won't go into detail about her weight or that the clothing she was wearing was for a younger person. You see, one of our list items was a butterfly tattoo that was NOT on the lower back or ankle.

I didn't zoom in, but it's definitely there.

The same (unnamed for dignity purposes) girlfriend informed me this photo also counts for the Hungry Hungry Hippos spot on the list. Yes, we are going to hell, but it's entertaining.

So here's the thing, I am compiling a list of things you must photograph. I think 5 things a week for 5 weeks. I'll post the list on Monday and you'll have until Friday to post them all on my Facebook page. The first to get all five things, wins for the week. At the end of the five weeks, the person who won the most weeks will win a fabulous prize.

Here's the kicker, I'm going to need proof that you saw this in real life and didn't just google a picture. So, you must post the pictures to Fat Bottomed Girl's FB page with a link to your Instragram account where the photos were originally posted. Instagram has a cool new map feature so I'll know where it was taken at. Plus, Instagram classes it up a bit, don't you think?

I'm taking suggestions for list items, should any of you have any crazy ideas. Also, the best photos will be featured each Friday. You can even create you're own caption.

What do all of you think? Fun idea? Any one have anything they'd like to see as a prize? I can tell you that what I have in mind will blow you're mind.

Follow that arrow up there ^ to email me or comment down below.

Online

What in the World?! Wednesday is henceforth dedicated to my new online class through University of Fictitious Bird, at least for the next five weeks. I mean, if I provide you with an in-depth look at my Thursday night escapades, why not do the same with my online classmates? Surely, they can't possibly be as bad as those in Sun City, right? I mean, these are people from all over the country, there is no way they could be as ignorant and incompetent as my ground campus colleagues. Wrong. So wrong.

Let me preface this by explaining the course. I apparently need a humanities credit and my advisor eagerly suggested Intro to Film. She said it was super fun and easy and I would just love all the interesting people I would meet online. All I think was, "Yay, more blog material!" Remind me to send her a fruit basket as a thank you.

It started with Steve, my instructor. He posted a detailed vitae about his work in the "lucrative baseball card industry" where he worked as a head of something or other for a "big name card manufacturer. The one that just popped into your head, yeah, that's the one." Nothing popped into my head so apparently he was unemployed. He lives in or near Berkley and from his use of Comic Sans for EVERYTHING, I am fairly sure he has a graying ponytail and wears a Fanny Pack. He was very proud that he teaches an extensive California Notary class and according to him he is "basically responsible for every document that is notarized in the state of California." Go him? He was a writer for the New York Post before all of this and conducted "numerous lucrative interviews with sports greats like Joe DiMaggio, Ted Williams and Mickey Mantle." However, when one of my classmates asked him a question about Joe, he said he didn't know that much about his stats. What? They weren't printed on the back of those lucrative baseball cards? As much as the man throws around the word lucrative, you'd think he was a Jew, but no. Just a guy who has taught at University of Fictitious Bird since I graduated high school. Oh, and for a man with is BA in English and his Masters in English Literature, he has terrible spelling and grammar.

As soon as the intros by each class member started to roll-in, I realized that they were no better than my bunch of genius' on ground. From the retired military guys who cannot spell military to the housewives who wrote paragraph upon paragraph about their latest recipes and knitting projects, I decided to keep mine short and sweet. I said "My name is Tiffany. I am a USAF veteran. I am a wife and mother to a 4-year-old. I am majoring in Criminal Justice and hope to work in federal law enforcement upon graduation." Bam. Easy peasy. But something about my lack of detail prompted another USAF fellow to reply.

Patrick, a former BMT instructor currently stationed in South Dakota, felt the need to grill me about what I did in the AF. I replied that I was 3P0X1 just to annoy him and he replied, "I don't know what that is." I wasn't sure why I had to explain what my AFSC (MOS for Army...basically job) was to a man who wrote in detail about how he shaped the future of the Air Force and we should all be grateful that he kept the bad ones out. I didn't reply and went about searching for other posts to respond to (because it's required...lame).

Later, I answered one of the instructor's discussion questions and Patrick responded with, "So you were a cop? You could have just said cop." People should really learn to respond to the appropriate thread. I sweetly replied that I wasn't sure what that had to do with my choice of Crash as one of my favorite movies and that any questions he had about my military experience could be posted in the Chat Forum and not in the one we were in. Steve replied that I was very diplomatic along with having excellent taste in films. Patrick must have become enraged because he proceeded to pick a fight with me on every post I commented on.

When I commented on another student's post about the movie Training Day and how I thought it was an excellent example of how easy it is to become corrupt when you are surrounded by the dredges of society, he replied, "And you know this because you were an AF cop?" Maybe I arrested this guy. Maybe I gave him a ticket. Maybe he's just pissed that he isn't the lone AF vet and I'm already the teacher's pet. Whatever it is, this shit needed to stop. Before I could reply, Steve asked us if we thought movies could teach a lesson. Realizing that this was my opportunity to meet my required daily instructor responses, I ignored Patrick and answered the question.

Me: I think most movies can teach a lesson, but all too often the viewer misses it because they're caught up in what they saw and heard and not what was implied. Unless the lesson is layed out in a Morgan Freeman voice over, people skip right over it. (Funny right? I know)

Patrick: Sure, movies can teach lesson. I have two children and the majority of the movies they watch contain some type of morall or lesson. The film Shrek comes to mind. It contained lesson (to me anyway) teaching to look past what you see on the sirface, that it is what is inside someone that counts. ("Ogers are like onions, they have layers") I think in most flims, you can pick out lessons of integrity, and self sacifice, especially flims aimed toward children. (This is a direct copy and paste)

Me: Okay, not counting children/family movies, do you think movies made for adults have as clear of a message?

Patrick: I think we can both agree that, yes, even flims geared toward adults contain a clear life lesson or massage. Forest Gump was full of them ("Life is like a box of chocolates"). I used children's flims as an example because their message is usually very prominent. (Direct copy and paste)

Me: Sure, Forrest Gump offered it up easily. But films don't just have one message and if they do, I find them to be a bit one dimensional. I prefer to look for the hidden meaning/lesson that lies underneath the movie poster tagline. Forrest Gump was about so much more than expecting the unexpected a la "Life is like a box of chocolates..." and I personally didn't feel like that was the message Winston Groom (the writer of the novel which is fantastic) was trying to portray. At least not primarily and I don't think that director Robert Zemeckis wanted to portray that either.

Patrick: John Travolta played a man that was simpel and slow but had a open heart. He went on wild adventures and changed peoples lives. (Direct copy and paste)

Me: What movie are we talking about? Because John Travolta wasn't in Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks was in it as the title character.

Patrick: No, it was John Travolta. And it was directed by Steven Speilberg. (Direct copy and paste)

Me: There's a website called IMDB and they have all the information about films. Maybe you should go on there. I can assure you, Tom Hanks played Forrest and Robert Zemeckis directed it. 

Patrick: I don't need to look it up or google it. I know I am riht. (Direct copy and paste)

Everything I wrote is what I said as well and is a direct copy and paste, I just felt the need to let you know, that IS his spelling and grammar. Drill Sgt just couldn't stand being wrong. Steve and the original poster both commented and said he was incorrect but he posted "I don't have time to argue, I'm at work" and we haven't heard from him since. I wish I had a job in the AF where I could do my schoolwork. I know cops that got LOR's for having that shit on post. I think this guy is going to have a full meltdown by the time this class is done. I should ask him to be in my learning team, he'd probably throw his computer against a wall.

There are some other gems in the class, but I have a paper to write for my other one, so you'll get more next Wednesday. Or Wensday as Steve posted in the title for today's discussion question.

It Takes Two

What in the world happened today? I'll tell you what happened today!

Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings won their third-straight Olympic Gold Medal in women's beach volleyball! It was beyond amazing.

I'm not sure what was better, that USA took Gold AND Silver (Jen Kessy and April Ross), or that it sounded like the whole stadium was singing The Star-Spangled Banner during the medal ceremony. Kerri was almost bawlin', which caused me to tear up. Gotta cry when you see another patriotic sap. 

I can confidently say that these two winning will be my favorite moment of the London 2012 Summer Olympics. Gabby and the Fab Five were amazing. Shayna Richards-Ross and the rest of the Longhorns in London made my heart swell. Kellie Wells getting Bronze in the 100m hurdles made me sob like a baby (with happiness). Phelps being Phelps and being the winningest Olympian of all time was historical. But Misty and Kerri are by far the baddest chicks and have stolen the Olympics.

I have been scouring the web trying to find the video from the medal ceremony. I tell ya, to hear everyone singing our national anthem was amazing. You'll get chills. Hopefully, NBC will stop being so Jewish with the footage and put it online at some point and then you can get chills as well. Yes, I said Jewish. You don't get to be offended.

BTW, Go On came on after Bob Costas' interview with Misty and Kerri (which was tres hilarious). It's that new show with Matthew Perry about a guy in group therapy after his wife dies. I had said that despite all the previews that featured Olympics tie-ins (a la Shawn Johnson) that I wasn't going to watch it. How many shows was this man going to do post-Friends that bombed? Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip was quite dry and brilliant but it tanked. Mr. Sunshine...well, I now it tanked but I have no idea what it was about. This was just starting to get sad. 

But alas, Hubby and I laughed. A. Lot. The characters are just the right amount of bizarre and pitiful and leave you laughing at them while feeling sympathetic to their loss (one lady is there because her cat died...thought of you Baby Sis). In his first session, Ryan (Perry's character) turns the meeting into "March Sadness," a bracketology of sorts to see who's experience is worse. One man pleads his case by saying "I returned from deployment and my wife had a baby." Ryan says "So you missed the birth?" and the man replies "And the conception." I chocked on my drink I laughed so hard. 

I really hope it does well. I feel like my fall TV lineup is missing comedy. It officially premiers Tuesday, September 11 on NBC. And yes, it weirded me out about the date as well. Check out the commercial and trailer below. If you didn't watch the episode tonight, the trailer pretty much sums up the first episode so you won't have missed anything really.

Tomorrow, I start a new class. I already know that I will detest the instructor without a shadow of a doubt. I'll explain tomorrow. 

Funky Chicken

I tend to refer to my dear friend Nic when it comes to all things gay. I've known him since middle school and we've had some grand adventures. We would ride around for hours in his Jeep Cherokee and do all sorts of silliness. We even protested the choosing of hot pink as our junior class color by forming Junior's Against Hot Pink (JAHP). It was just us two, but we made the yearbook bitches. I always knew he was gay (though he didn't tell me until later) and it never bothered me. Even being a regular (forced) church-goer, it just didn't seem wrong to me. He is who he is and he can love who he loves and that's all that matters.

Nic also served in the Air Force (before I did) and while I was in basic, he sent me the funniest letters telling me to keep my head up and where to sneak candy from. He sent me pics of him acting a fool at his job (photography) and told me he was proud of me. I once asked him how he felt about "don't ask, don't tell" and he replied with something along the lines of "If the Air Force can't tell I'm gay then that's their problem!" He served his country honorably, probably more than a whole lotta straight folks.

So it should come as no surprise that in the midst of all these people condemning Chick-Fil-A for their CEO's personal beliefs, I would defer to Nic. I have my own opinion on it, of course.

I think a man who runs a privately owned company can donate to whomever he pleases and praise whatever god he chooses and think marriage is between a man and a woman all he wants. That's what the 1st Amendment is for. It doesn't only apply to liberals. I don't have to agree with him (and I don't), but I don't think mayors of any city have the right to say that a business that will employ it's residents can't operate there. In this economy, you take jobs where you can get 'em. Chick-Fil-A employs gay people, they serve them food, and they have NEVER been accused of discriminating against them as a company. You don't want to eat there? Fine. But by threatening to pull your business until they change their beliefs is...what did the ACLU call it? Oh yeah. Viewpoint discrimination.

But I digress. I asked Nic to write a guest blog about where he stands on this issue. He was more than happy to oblige:

You know that old saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?” This phrase is, without a doubt, completely and utterly true for me. A tasty and delicious meal can put me in the happiest of moods, and a crappy or bland meal can leave me winning the day’s official Sour Puss award. People could tell me the worst things about certain types of food, but I would still eat it. I would just laugh in their face while I stuffed my mouth with a KFC Double Down chicken “sandwich”. If it’s good, it’s good.

Why do I open with this pearl of wisdom about my love of food? Because as a gay man, I am supposed to hate Chik-Fil-A. With every glitter-covered fiber of my being, I am supposed to think that this is the restaurant that the devil frequents when he needs a quick bite, or when it’s 3AM and he is jonesing for something tasty to soak up all that evil alcohol he’s been consuming. But what I’ve been told, really, is that I am supposed to completely forget every time I’ve licked the inside of a French fry container because the lingering taste from the consumed fries taunts me from the inside of the package. I am supposed to forget every time I’ve stuffed my face with more than enough food, stopping to think “If I have another bite, I could explode” but then realize that it’s worth it and finish the rest of the sandwich. More so, I am supposed to forget the wonderfully cheerful people that have always helped me, and while they are paid to smile and be friendly and not look like they’re judging me for my large order, I know that a small part of them is really nice and friendly and not judging. Yes, I am supposed to forget all of this because the man that signs his name to all the Chik-Fil-A checks decided that it would be a good idea to give money to the Anti-Gay Campaigns.

To begin with, I would just like to state that this man is an idiot. I mean, why did he think it would be a good idea to make these contributions from the corporate account? He could have easily made them from his own account. While it would still be partially associated with him, as he is the President of the company, it wouldn’t have been as big of a deal (like it is now). This route would have saved the company a whole lot of bad press, and all of the anger would have been pushed directly to him. I mean, he seemed to be very pleased with the outcome of everything, since he was happy to accept the blame of the situation (made apparent by his “guilty as charged” remark). Though, I must say...way to be so proud of yourself while still being a complete douche. Kudos to you Mr. Cathy.

I haven’t been to a Chik-Fil-A in years. I think the last time was when I was in Ohio, and I think I went there to console myself and make me feel good about being in Ohio. Lord knows I needed something. I remember it being so tasty and good and a mini-escape for me. But that was forever ago. The closest location to where I am is 48 miles away in Fairfield, which is worse than Ohio (and yes, that is possible!) So, that’s the reason that I haven’t been in a long time. But if there was one closer, I would probably go there. And I know that I would have a shit-load of people screaming at me, “What are you doing? They don’t support gay marriage!” I understand that there needs to be solidarity in boycotting things, and that the power of the customer’s dollar is incredibly important. I understand this, and I know that my eating there would be horrible. But I sincerely and honestly believe that my stomach is more powerful than anything. I don’t really get into politics, but I do get into food. So now you know.

Now, aside from this company having some yummy food and completely hating gays, what else do you know about them? Probably nothing, because what’s the point of knowing anything else besides what is in the media and what is important? Do you know what the WinShape Foundation is? It’s the foundation that was created over 20 years ago by the original owners of Chik-Fil-A, Truett and Jeannette Cathy. The WinShape Foundation does a lot of stuff:

·       WinShape Homes - currently operates 11 foster care homes in Georgia, Tennessee and Alabama.

·       WinShape College Program - at Berry College in Rome, Georgia, this is a co-op program offering joint four-year scholarship funding to incoming freshmen of up to $32,000.

·       WinShape Camps - offers boys and girls summer programs at the college, which will be attended by more than 15,000 campers in 2012.

·       WinShape Retreat - offers a sequestered setting for marriage support and counseling and other gatherings on the Mountain Campus of Berry College.

·       WinShape Wilderness - an outdoor adventure program that facilitates experiential learning for all audiences in ropes course settings as well as canoeing, rock climbing and backpacking venues. Helps people use adventure to equip people to experience real change, not just in a team setting, but also through personal transformation.

·       WinShape International - mobilize leaders to transform young people and communities around the world.

Aside from all of this, they also provide $1,000 college scholarships to restaurant employees, with over $30 million dollars in total. But, aside from all of this, I’m guessing you still think that they’re completely horrible no matter what, right? Just because someone doesn’t agree with you about something, doesn’t mean that they’re completely wrong or evil or bad. It just means that you don’t agree.

Do you know how people are “fighting back” against this gay-hating corporation? They’re not going to allow them to build new locations. Seriously, the mayors of several towns throughout the US have decided that since they don’t love their gays, then they don’t want them around. Uhm...am I the only one to think this is a bit crazy? I mean, sure...it’s pretty bad-ass that some mayor is like, “Hey...gays are awesome. You don’t like them, then you can just get the hell out of here!” I think that’s pretty neat, but I also know that it’s pretty illegal. Or at the very least, it should be. Here’s why. Do you know of the Catholic church or the Mormon church or pretty much several other churches who happen to think that being gay is an abomination and that they are going to hell. What happens when one of these churches decides to build a new location, or a community center, or anything else that is church related? Nothing happens except that they get to build it. But why is that? I mean, they too hate the gays, don’t they? So why aren’t they being bullied as well? 

Perhaps the mayors of these towns should institute a new department of City Hall, called the Business Owners for Gay Love (or BAGL). Every time an individual was interested in opening a new business, they would have to come before BAGL employees and provide several references to their connection with the gay community and how much they love them. Photographs, letters of recommendations, and any other items are accepted. Yes, I’m being a complete smart ass about that, though if it gets created I am totally going to shit myself. Cause that would be so ridiculously awesome.

I think this entire thing has gotten out of hand, and continues to overwhelm the news every day. Many important stories are being overshadowed or pushed to page two because Chik-Fil-A is such a big thing right now. How about you report the story, as was done forever ago, and then let that be it. Having articles that state “Chik-Fil-A Still Hates Gays” does nothing. If, by the miracle of whatever entity you believe in, they perhaps change their mind, then you should report that. Otherwise, let the news be filled with things that are new, and not just a recap of what’s been happening and reported on for 6 months.

Here are my final remarks on this: (1) Chik-Fil-A is a restaurant that makes delicious food, and as such, should be judged on their food and nothing more; (2) the President of Chik-Fil-A is a douche, though with a name like Mr. Cathy, I would probably be as well; (3) while Chik-Fil-A has made a contribution to an anti-gay campaign (which is oh-so-wrong in the current times) they’ve also made some considerable achievements in other areas of philanthropy; (4) the news needs to stop reporting on this, as the story is completely old and over with, and we’ve already decided which side of the fence we stand on with this; (5) if I could, I would be eating a gallon of Chik-Fil-A fries right now, because I’m a Fat Bottomed Boy and my stomach is more important than politics. 


Nic (who is awesome) currently resides in the City by the Bay and will remain my go-to-gay for as long as I live. One day he will take my daughter out and tell her all the awful things her mommy did when she was younger, but she'll be better and wiser (hopefully kinder) for it. 

Not As Much As Football

I know it's time for my Monday Must Haves, but shit has gone down today that takes precedents. Here's a widget of stuff I like and think you should like too:


Now on to more pressing matters. We've all heard about the Penn State/Sandusky story, right? Jerry Sandusky molested and raped little boys through his Second Mile program and the university sat by and let these children be harmed. Very disgusting, very sad, they should all rot in jail. Sandusky has been convicted, other's have been fired, JoPa is dead...people are getting what they deserve. Today however, the NCAA handed down unprecedented punishments to the school.


Over the course of the next five years, Penn State will be on probation, are not allowed to go to any bowl games over the next four years, will lose 10 scholarships initially plus 10 more, and must pay $60 million in fines, the amount of revenue brought in by one football season. The money is to support "external programs preventing child sexual abuse or assisting victims and may not be used to fund such programs at the university" (NCAA). On top of all of that, all wins from 1998 to 2011 were vacated, taking JoPa from 409 wins (#1 on the list) to 298 wins (#12). Current and incoming players are allowed to move to any program of their choosing without penalty, and one incoming recruit has already chosen to do so. I suspect that more will make the move before the week is done.


The Paterno family released this statement regarding the sanctions:


The sanctions announced by the NCAA today defame the legacy and contributions of a great coach and educator without any input from our family or those who knew him best. That the president, the athletic director and the board of trustees accepted this unprecedented action by the NCAA without requiring a full due process hearing before the Committee on Infractions is an abdication of their responsibilities.


Bitter much? You're father/husband knew children were being harmed and didn't do a damn thing to stop it, so I'm pretty sure he defamed himself. I'm not a Penn State fan (HOOK 'EM) and I could care less about the legacy of JoPa. Remove his statue from the campus, take his name off of any wall or building or record, pretend it never happened all you want, but he cemented his own legacy when he made the choice to not go to the authorities regarding Sandusky. He, along with university officials, put football above everything else and this is the end result.


Here's where I get wishy-washy. What about the athletes and students who will now suffer because of this? Those players didn't do anything wrong. They didn't lie for a pedophile. They earned those scholarships and wins. I think Adam Taliaferro, former Penn State player who suffered a spinal cord injury in a 200 game, said it best when he tweeted:


NCAA says games didn't exist. I got the metal plate in my neck to prove it did..I almost died playing 4 PSU..punishment or healing?!? #WeAre


Vacating wins doesn't change the real outcome. It doesn't change that children were hurt either. What healing does that bring to the victims? 


USC had similar sanctions placed on them (minus the 60 million dollars) for players taking money and such from boosters. What exactly is the NCAA saying by doing the same to Penn State? Taking money from boosters is equal to covering up molesting kids? I'm still not quite sure why the NCAA has a say in any of this in the first place. CRIMINAL CHARGES should be filed on those involved before anyone thinks about sanctions. The NCAA will be appointing an athletic monitor to make sure the university stays in compliance with all sanctions. The DA should appoint a special investigator to make sure all of those responsible get locked the fuck up. 


I guess I just don't understand why a collegiate athletic governing body thinks they have the right to dictate what happens to people who had nothing to do with this. Aren't they supposed to be there to ensure players are treated fairly and look out for their well-being? 20 athletes who have earned a full-ride scholarship can't get a college education now. Revenue brought in by football will be lost and students could face higher tuition costs. The school is already preparing to shell out tens of millions of dollars in the soon to happen civil lawsuits as it is. While what happened is morally and ethically repugnant, it's also criminal and should be treated as such. It's easy to say that the students and players could go somewhere else for school, or that they're just collateral damage. I read one comment that said "That's what you get for going to a school that likes to rape kids"...seriously. But the whole school is not responsible for what happened and the whole school should not be punished. 


The actions of the NCAA are self-serving and pompous. "Look at how tough our new president can be everyone! We really showed them!" All they've really done is place punishment over fixing the problem. This athletic culture (which funds the NCAA!) hasn't gone anywhere, they'll just simply not get caught next time. Especially when child molestation and actual athletic violations get lumped into the same category.


I'll be discussing the Colorado theater shooting on Wednesday, Friday just seemed too soon, thus the reason for no blog.