Saturday Sun

Okay, misleading title, there was not Saturday sun. There was a HUGE sandstorm here in the Sun city.

This was around 2pm. No sun in site. And right behind that sky is a mountain range. Allegedly.

So anyway, I was bored and decided to yarn bomb the tree out front. Yes, in a sand storm. I started with some extra sock yarn I had lying around.

I didn't make it very big, just enough to go around a branch. I actually liked how it turned out. However, it took me almost 10 full minutes to attach that shit to the tree. By after nearly being blown to the land of Oz, I think it added a nice quirky touch.

Attica Blues

Attica! Attica! Attica! Atti....you get the point. Tonight we are doing a team presentation on the Attica Prison Riot of 1971. I would have liked it to be a synopsis of Dog Day Afternoon instead, and the Not Jimmy Smitts even suggested we use clips from that movie. I had to explain to him that Dog Day Afternoon is NOT about the Attica Prison Riot. Yeah, Pacino shouts it out and whatnot, but it is NOT AT ALL about the riot. You'd think he would know that if he has seen the movie. Oh wait, he didn't. He, like most people, only remembers Pacino shouting Attica.

But before we get to our presentation, we started class at the usual 15 past 6 and I think we were supposed to be discussion racial disparity in corrections, but of course we Trayvon Martin it up. I decided this was my opportunity to call them all out about the lack of support for Zimmerman from the Hispanic community. I totally thought this would rile them up a bit, maybe provide a little debate to entertain me. No. Didn't happen. They all agreed with me. Fat Alberto tried to piggy back on my thought process and said "It's cause the blacks are all aggressive and mean to us if we speak our minds." What blacks? This is El Paso dude. YOU are the majority. There are no black people in El Paso bullying you for your opinion. Maybe for your English language skills. I almost feel bad mocking these people as there is now no doubt in my mind that they will never be better humans. Ever.

The first group presented after our lunch and since it was the three newbies to our class, I tried to listen with an open-mind. It wouldn't be fair to tune them out without knowing what they could do. They did nothing. They giggled, they read from the slides, one of them answered a text message during her portion and I am still not sure what they were talking about.

We killed it, as per usual. The picture perfect portrait of preparedness. That's what Not Jimmy Smitts said anyway. Except add some stuttering to it. Reminder: don't go for the alliteration if you are a horrible public speaker. The best part was the graphic photos of the riot and retaking of the prison. Typhoid Maria almost threw up. I'd feel more satisfied if she had, but I'll take the overly dramatic dry-heaving...for now.

Fat Alberto and Typhoid Maria took on the Stanford Prison Experiment...for a FOURTH TIME. In three other classes they have presented on this same subject. Each presentation is a mirrored image of the last, save a few added "facts" that they gathered from an intentionally incorrect Wikipedia page. I even called them out before the presentation and asked "Isn't that the exact same power point from the last class? You could have at least changed the background." Typhoid Maria shot me a nasty scowl but didn't acknowledge that it was regurgitated.

Fat Alberto even referenced me AGAIN. Every presentation he has said "Tiffany told me about this thing...yada yada yada". Here's the thing, each class we discuss the issues after the presentation and then the next class, he references ME and MY opinion. I didn't tell him anything. We don't chat. I offered insight to the class, not just to you. And that insight is not to be used by you. Well, if you use it, act like it's your own, don't say "Tiffany told me." Fucking idiot.

They added a video this time. Unfortunately, as interesting as it looked, Typhoid Maria stopped it and scrolled forward after 15 second runs and said "Well we have this but it's long so we aren't going to play it." I feel like I know far too much false information about the Stanford Prison Experiment. I almost (and probably will) want to find an excuse to do my own presentation on it just to shame them. It'll start with the first slide stating "Wikipedia is not an appropriate reference. Neither am I. That's why I did my RESEARCH on the subject from RELIABLE and TRUSTED sources. You are all fucking idiots. Specifically, Fat Alberto and Typhoid Maria."

I have to highlight my favorite part of the night. When discussing the Trayvon Martin shooting, Fat Alberto told me "You should be like el Presidente or something in the big house." I replied "You mean the white house?" To which he matter-o-factly stated "No they had to stop calling it that because of Obama."

I'll leave you to ponder if he was attempting irony or if he meant it. Good night ladies and gentlemen.

No Followers

New class, same people, new teacher...yada yada. Yes, it's been a while. Yes, I did not blog about Big Time Army. I have my reasons. He actually turned out to be quite the mentor. And I couldn't use my computer in class or write everything that happened down....so it never made it to blog. Deal with it.

I am currently taking a class on cultural diversity in law enforcement. I am, again, the only white person, everyone else is Hispanic. I thought that this might be a fun class, 7 Hispanics against one white girl, but alas, this is not the case. I'll explain shortly.

My instructor is a US probation officer. Except when I picture a US probation officer, I don't picture such a fucking pussy. He looks like a softer Jimmy Smitts, think Jimmy Smitts a la The Jane Austen Book Club and less Dexter. He introduced himself to us by saying that he wouldn't be such a hard ass like Big Time Army and that we could all be friends. No, I don't want to be friends with the mangina version of Jimmy Smitts. I want to hang out with the bat-shit crazy Dexter version or the smokin' hot NYPD Blue one, but definitely not you. He even apologized for the grading policy and said "The university makes me stick to this, but I'm sure I can bullshit it if it comes to that."  Do you bullshit probation reports and let murders and drug dealers free if it comes to that?! Fucker.

So we start talking about things that are surely going to be brought up in class, you know, like race and ethnicity and sensitive subjects. But he's looking at me the whole time. Really bro? Because I'm white? I guess he sensed my mood and says to me "I just don't want anyone to get upset. Like, because you're the minority." I will admit, this was the line I was hoping would be said, though I didn't think it would come from the instructor. I figured Fat Alberto would say something unintelligible. I smiled sweetly (yes, I am capable) and said "Well, I'm still the majority in the nation, so I've got that going for me, which is nice." (Yes, that is taken from The Wedding Singer and I know I was the only one who knew that). You could have heard a pin drop before Not Jimmy Smitts gave a nervous chuckle.

He kept talking about how we can't get offended over offensive things and would come this close to saying the n word. "Like if we talk about black people and someone says Ni...." or "Do you think it's racist when black people say Ni..." Like it was right on the tip of his tongue and he desperately wanted to say it to get a reaction. I still maintain that Hispanics are the most racist group of all, and his eager desire to say it totally reinforces my beliefs.

So, OF COURSE we get to talking about the Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman incident. I was ready, sharpened words and all but before I could viciously pounce on someone for their ridiculously uneducated thought vomit, but he has me start. Well, fuck. So I state my case and try to keep it as vague as possible so no one poaches my ideas (as they always do) and even being vague I have still taken the stance you would all expect me to take. Obviously not the opinion a typical El Paso Hispanic would take....but guess what? They ALL agree with me. Every last one of them to include Not Jimmy Smitts. some are emphatically nodding their heads and one of the new girls says "No it's cause she's right cause like she's right." Yep, I'm just THAT right.

After 45 minutes of their lips being firmly attached to my lily white ass, I started taking the side of the minority. I mean full on Mitt Romney flip-flop on the issue. I even said "As a minority of Hispanic descent, I feel like we are ALL Trayvon" to which they all said "Oh si" and "That is so true" followed by a "I feel like he was my little mejito." YEp, that happened. I couldn't resist and immediately flipped back over to the pro-Zimmerman and said that Zimmerman was a victim and that Hispanics are always targeted by black people. Pretty ridiculous right? Nope, they agreed with me.

I feel like a puppet master. I feel like I am making these fuckers dance by the slight twitch of my finger. I might have to master a maniacal laugh after tonight. Oh, this was all LAST week. Tonight we are acting as moderators and panelists and my group will be discussing the governments reaction to racial and ethnic issues and we will me using the Trayvon shooting as our example. I will be the moderator and you can guaran-damn-tee I will be egging this shit on. I'll probably post it tonight too. Two in one night, consider yourselves lucky....or that I feel guilty for abandoning you all for so long.