Love Me Like You Do

I've been working on this blog (in my brain) for a while now. Frankly, it was partially written (in my brain) as soon as I heard there would be a film (loosely used term) adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. I had a few potential post titles stemming from You Give Love a Bad Name, Your Own Disaster, Miserable at Best, to Smack My Bitch Up, my personal favorite. But that was back before the outrage from the religious right filled up my FB newsfeed, demanding that no one see this movie (or read the books) or else they would be doomed to eternal hellfire and damnation. And before there was a bomb ass movie soundtrack to utilize.

I originally set out to humorously provide my commentary on the whole Grey craze. I HAVE read the books and am going to hell, but I have yet to see the film (again, loosely used term). I'm not against spending $6.50 on a matinee showing of a terribly written and (I've heard) acted portrayal of what even the most extreme BDSM participants say is a shit representation of what they do. I paid money to see Jack and Jill, so I trust me when I say I am no film snob. If anything, I would see it JUST to tear it apart. But to see it with a bunch of horny, salivating women who have built this up in their heads to be the greatest love story of all time and have dildos waiting in the wings? Naw man, I'm good. I'll wait for home release (hahahahaha ewww) to view it. That's right, I said I WILL watch it, but I already acknowledged that I am condemned to hell so what's one more sin right?

If you have not read the books, you are missing nothing. Anastasia Steele is a mousy virgin who meets a billionaire control freak named Christian Grey. He takes her virginity, though this is a terrible term. She gave it to him. She wanted it and said yeah let's do this so he TOOK nothing. Anyway, after he deflowers the poor girl, he introduces her to his red room of pain and BDSM. He has a traumatic past and that's how he gets off. In the beginning, he has all the control and somehow she changes him (after three terrible books) into a man who DOES do romance and DOES love her and relinquishes control to her. Your classic girl thinks she can change the boy and does tale. Like Beauty and the Beast with whips...and ben wa balls...and butt plugs. It is not vanilla sex by any means and not for everyone to digest. I will admit I had just finished reading Infinite Jest, a book that I am told I am supposed to brag about reading by anyone who has ever read it, and needed a mindless escape. Why not pick up an easy to read series that was once Twilight fan fiction, I thought. Plus, I have a Kindle so I figured I wouldn't be embarrassed by it as no one would know what I was reading.

Yes, I was ashamed to be reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Not because I found it sinful, but because it is a modern day Harlequin romance novel but Fabio has been replaced with a leather clad man with a ball gag. Sorry, that's not fair, Mr. Grey wears worn jeans in the red room of pain. But you see my point, I'm sure. Sex...good, bad, or with accessories...is still a personal thing. I may chat with my girlfriends about sex but I don't want a stranger knowing that I am reading all about the removal of a tampon to get it on (yes that happens). How would they know you ask? I was late boarding the Mr. Grey train and everyone knew about what kind of books they were. Plus, did I mention I had just finished Infinite Jest and while I am not a film snob, I consider myself well-read and didn't want people to know I slum it from time to time.

When the world heard there would be a movie, I played the same casting director game the rest of my girlfriends did. I still maintain that Katharine McPhee and Paul Wesley should have been cast as Anastasia and Christian. THAT I would see in the theater. I saw Magic Mike with a girlfriend and that shit was awkward. The movie premise was crap, the acting was crap, and the dance scenes were so-so and I could have waited for DVD. Plus, let's say it was exciting and appealing...who wants to be a riled up in a dark theater? Come one. Ew.

So now the movie is here, complete with that bomb ass soundtrack (that I will shamelessly plug again like it's my job) and more marketing than a Marvel movie. I have read more posts on my FB newsfeed in the past two weeks about Fifty Shades than I have about ISIS and that is saying something since a large portion of my friends list is crazy ass veterans who want all them there mother f-ers dead 'n shit. I've read why Christians should shun it, why women should feel empowered by it, why men should be threatened by it, why it is hurting our children, how it leads to domestic violence, and how you too can have Fifty Shades in the bedroom.

More of my female friends than I expected are anti-Fifty. Some because it is a crap read/watch and there are much better erotic novels out there (love you Susan) and some because the relationship is fucked up (it really is) and this should not be something women aspire to have. I mean I aspire to have his bank account, but Mr. Grey can keep the handcuffs.

Most of the ladies have protested (again and again and again) due to religious reasons. Yes, with all the world's problems to tackle on behalf of God, they have chosen Fifty Shades of terrible writing. This is not love, they say. This is pornography. This is vile. This does not glorify God. This should be banned. That's their opinion and I can certainly unfollow them on FB so I don't have to see the posts they are sharing over and over and over...posts that they have not written as they would never have personal knowledge of such sin. You know, except that I know who you were before (and sometimes with) Christ. But that's not important. This is filth that Christians should wholeheartedly condemn and then judge everyone else for engaging in. Because as a Christian, you are supposed to act as God's hand extended...wait...

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That's in the bible right? Somewhere? I know you all think I am just some heathen, but I may have read it a time or two, or fifty, and I distinctly remember Jesus telling people to chill the fuck out. He says to love as he has loved. Love them like he do (see what I did there? Title tie-in, bam). Kind of hard to show the heathens of the world God's love when you are busy damning them to hell for reading a book or watching a movie. Whatever happened to the softer of Christ? Hmmm.

Let me ask this, did you hate Harry Potter too? Were you like my Pastor's wife, telling kids that it was of the devil and reading it would send them to hell? Don't act like it was just the crazy Pentecostals in a tizzy over it because everyone was tripping on my man HP back in the day. People lined up to demand that libraries banned them and there were even a more than few Harry Potter bonfires. Not the fun kind where you roast marshmallows and throw back a few beers; I'm talking about burning books like the Nazis. What about And Tango Makes Three? The book about the two male penguins (true story) that adopt a baby penguin orphan? I know someone who wanted it banned from the library for promoting a homosexual lifestyle to her son...even though he was under a year old and she would have to read it to him for him to know what it was about. And she wasn't the only one. Seriously, a book about what really happened in nature was trying to turn all our kids gay. Maybe throw it on the pile with HP just to be safe.

I have also been told we are living in the end times and this is one more sign of that. Yeah, Revelation specifically mentions "Laters babe" and "We aim to please" in between plague (which I am sure is Ebola right?) and destruction and the anti-Christ (is that Obama?). I've read Revelation and I will start tripping when Israel is supernaturally protected by an attack from Russia because that's when it really starts to pop off.

Long story short, who's the bigger asshole here? The people reading this crap and watching it, or the person focusing all of their energy on taking it down. What have you done to glorify God lately? What actions do people see him in of yours? I can post scripture all day, 'ery day but it doesn't make me holy. It doesn't prove I am showing people Christ's love and forgiveness. It just cements in a non-believers eyes that they don't want what you're selling because what you're selling is judgment and hypocrisy.

Brennan Manning said it best. "The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." Sure, you could (and probably will) argue that a Christian watching this film is exactly what he was talking about, but I would counter that the judgment of others is far, far worse than being the Christian chick seeing a dirty movie. We all knowingly sin every single day, so how is watching a movie any different? You don't know the condition of someone's heart any more than they know the condition of yours, but you sure are showing them the ugly bits with your attacks. I'm not saying tone down your faith to appease others, but how about you just stop being a dick about it?

You're just a sinner saved by grace...the same grace you forget to extend to others. Isn't demanding perfection from others contrary to what you believe?

I have reached around 2000 words on a topic that if you all had just ignored, would've have gone away. According to every review, the movie is a steaming pile of poo and the novelty would have soon worn off. But nope, let's make it more appealing by being the zealots who condemn it. Shit, even I want to see it now just to piss you all off.

Have A Nice Day

You know you haven't blogged in a while when you go to your blogger page and it makes you sign in. I didn't even remember the password and almost got locked out. I had set that for "remember me"...apparently Blogger is a bit senile.

I have not had time to blog at all. I am not trying to make excuses, but you work a full-time job, work on your Masters full-time, and be a wife and mother and tell me when there is blogging time. Seriously, someone tell me, because I miss this. The sound of my fingers flying over the keys as I rage out over the idiots of the world is more peaceful than you can possibly imagine, but I can't do it instead of being with my family. However I have carved out a bit of time for myself (and all of you adoring fans) this Sunday evening. Chores are done, school work is done, Little Bug is needing alone time with her iPad, and Hubby is at work. AND I NEED TO RAGE.

We all know what is happening in Israel and Gaza right? Hamas terrorist scum is using women and children as shields and firing on Israel because they want to achieve their ultimate goal of death to all Jews. If you didn't know, now you do. If you disagree, kick rocks because this is not the blog where I eloquently explain why Israel is not the bully of the Middle East. I can and have and probably will on here soon, but not today. Today I do what I do best. Today I ruin someone's life.

This someone is truly deserving. I haven't come across someone as deserving since my cunt faced neighbor decided to slut shame teenage girls. I let her be because she dug her own grave and her wickedness was soon shown to everyone. I didn't have to dirty my hands because hers were fucking filthy already. But this someone, well he is a special kind of candidate. He is the kind that is woefully ignorant to world events but thinks himself a genius because he reads the headlines. He also is the kind who brags about his job and doesn't realize that what he says constitutes OPSEC violations and could cause serious security risks.

His name is Edwin Peguero and he is a scared little man. He should be. Though he has since blocked me and removed his comments from the post where this went down, sceenshots last forever. Screenshots that I have forwarded to his employer and the Israeli Consulate in New York. I have spoken with a representative from his employer and after we got past her righteous indignation as a Jew, she took my contact information and had me email her directly the screenshots of his comments.

I know there is a part of me who should feel bad for him. He is an Air Force vet and English is apparently his second language. Maybe he genuinely doesn't understand what he posted and why it is ignorant garbage that leads to anti-Semitic filth. Maybe he thought bringing up his military service and name dropping who he works for now and what he does for a living would calm the little white girl down. Obviously I am just a woman who did not recognize that the men were speaking. But as he stated that I didn't know him more than once adding P.S.'s about his job that were an OPSEC don't poster waiting to happen, I realized there will be no feeling bad for him. There will only be soul crushing and livelihood killing.

He doesn't know who I AM. He doesn't know that I don't skim headlines to form an opinion, I read everything. And I remember everything I read. I am highly educated. I am not going to quite down. I served in the same branch of service as he did, except I don't use my service as a trump card. I take very little personally but this, this I take personally. When you side with Hamas, when you condemn Israel's right to defend itself, you are basically saying you agree with Hamas. You are supporting the eradication of the Jewish people. BECAUSE YOU FUCKING IDIOT THAT IS WHAT HAMAS WANTS. Eat a dick. Suck some terrorist asshole. Oh, and start looking for work in another field, possibly another city, because you popped off at the mouth to the wrong mother fucking bitch.

*Drops Mic*

This One's For The Girls

The older I get, the more it upsets me when women or girls treat each other like shit. Probably because when I was younger I treated other girls and women like shit. I've been a bad friend, a frenemy, a backstabber, jealous, and cruel and any one of you gals who say you haven't is full of it. And I don't even have the luxury of saying it was as a teenager because frankly, I spent the better part of my early twenties being a this way. My bet is that most of us have.

I am so embarrassed at how I behaved towards other women that I have written, deleted, rewritten, deleted and now REwritten this blog this morning alone. Seeing my behavior written out makes it undeniable. It seems unforgivable, though I have been lucky enough that many of them have forgiven me (and vice versa). And frankly, my pride and embarrassment is going to prevent me from writing them all down in this version. I may share them later, but I think they will distract you all from my point.

Yes, I do have one. I am not here just to shame all of us ladies into tears. I am a mother to a daughter. Read that again. As a mother to a daughter, I am even more aware of the vile, vicious things we ladies do to one another. I fear every single day that some girl who wasn't loved enough or hates herself is going to take that out on my girl; my girl who thinks drag queens and old people are magical. My girl who apologizes to her toys for not playing with them enough. My girl who loves everyone and sympathizes with the world. My smart, kind, beautiful girl who doesn't know what it is like to feel unloved or look in the mirror and hate everything about yourself. Because let's face it, we hurt other girls and women because we ourselves are hurting.

We've moved to the middle of nowhere as I have previously mentioned and it has been an eye-opening experience for me. It is in a small-town that you really see the damage that girl on girl crime causes. I know it is bad everywhere, but in larger cities you can avoid someone if you don't like them. You aren't forced to see them every day, to pretend like you like them. So instead of developing your relationships with a group of girls you chose, you talk shit about the ones that are forced upon you. What's worse is that they hate each other because they're taught to do it. Their mothers are too busy gossiping about other women AND teenage girls that they don't see their daughters behaving the same way they do.

I don't want that for my Little Bug, but I don't want that for any girl. I want to live in a world (or hell, I'd take just my town) that isn't filled with hateful women tearing each other down behind each others backs and smiling sweetly to each others faces. I want to live in a world where girls don't slut shame each other and then go and sleep with the same guy. I want to live in a world where women don't condemn each other for making a choice that is different than their own. I want to know that my girlfriend only says things to my face and doesn't share what I have confided in her with the cool girls to get ahead. Yeah...the cool girls still exist at this age except at this age you can tell they are just as damaged and self-loathing as you used to be.

This probably isn't FBG comeback you all waited so patiently for, but I can't get it off of my mind and isn't that what my blog is for? I know I'm not THAT old, but being a mother changes your whole perspective. Being good friends with other women does that too. I look at these girls who desperately want to be better people than they have been raised to be and I feel so sad and yet so hopeful for them. Because at least they know it's wrong and knowing it's wrong is the first step to being better.

Don't get it twisted. I'm not having some world shaking epiphany. My snark is still alive and well and will be aimed at all parties who are deserving, male and female. That doesn't mean I can't be a better FRIEND and in turn help others be better friends. I'm not saying it'll even work, but who knows what'll happen if I reach one girl? Maybe she'll reach another. And then that one reaches another. Fingers crossed right?